Serial Defecation

[Heyduke]

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/serial-pooper-defiling-yards-texas-town-article-1.1784636

The Texas community of Woodland Heights became the latest to be victimized by of a wave of terror sweeping across the nation. Another serial defecator has taken to the offensive, pooping as many as 6 times in a single driveway before the homeowner installed security cameras. Video footage momentarily captured a middle aged balding man pinching one off and then fleeing into the night.

Meanwhile, on the outskirts of our nation's capitol, a serial defector unleashes his terror on the streets;
"This may be a serial defecator as this is not the first time," according to the police logs.
Police Lt. Chris Perley said , "They should stop doing it". I should think so, but for a serial defecator, the ends justify the means.
Lt. Perley has many sleepless nights to look forward to. In order to catch a serial defecator, you have to think like a serial defecator. And we can only hope that Lt. Perley is the perfect man for the job.
http://www.conwaydailysun.com/index.php/newsx/local-news/110713-serial-defecator-on-the-loose

Sometimes, a wave of violence like this can bring a country together. Now is the time to stand strong and stick together... and of course watch your steps.

[Peter1469]

Ha! When I was in Korea the second time (as a JAG) we had The Mad Shitter. It was the greatest 3 months there. It turns out that he was a soldier that got a field grade article 15 and was pissed at the world. He left shit in the passenger seats of several commander's HUMVEEs and then on a battalion commander's conference table. That is when he got caught. I was sorry to see it end.

[Polecat]

And I was looking for a new hobby too! This sounds like a promising candidate. Pete, you know the law. How bad will it be to get caught?

[Peter1469]

And I was looking for a new hobby too! This sounds like a promising candidate. Pete, you know the law. How bad will it be to get caught?

It depends on state law and whether it would be considered a misdemeanor or a felony. Alyosha can be your defense attorney. I have only prosecuted.

[Heyduke]

And I was looking for a new hobby too! This sounds like a promising candidate. Pete, you know the law. How bad will it be to get caught?

It may be possible for a judge to string together consecutive sentences for serial offenders. A really heinous toxicology report presented to the jury could bolster the prosecution's case to add additional crimes of toxic waste dumping.

But, with a problem of this magnitude, desperate times call for desperate measures. As Dick Cheney used to say, we might have to work in the shadows, go to the dark side. If it's possible to apprehend one of these terrorists in the act, you don't want to cause him to do something rash and become a suicide pooper. We can't make martyrs out of these dastardly individuals, nor can we have them infiltrate our prison systems (where they could continue to network). This is exactly why Gitmo is still open for business. It's a question of national security.