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View Full Version : should my daughter visit her mother in jail? is there a benefit to visiting?



astr591
03-02-2015, 12:40 AM
hoping there might be some people familiar in law enforcement here.

my wife will soon be entering county jail for seven months for a money crime. . I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my kids she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes. I am wondering what is the best way to prepare for this situation and how to handle it. I have a daughter who is 15 and she seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. She later joked about how her mother is "getting ordered around now". I think it is just a joke and I think it is better to be that way instead of being hysterical about it . I was originally not going to let her visit her mom in jail because I would think exposing her to that environment is not a good idea but I am actually hearing that it is a good idea to let her visit but why? isn't it a bad idea to let a 15 year old be exposed to a jail. She could easily be intimidated by the guards and inmates and just the area. My wife says bring her if she wants to visit but don't if she doesn't. She says she doesn't have a problem visiting but I am not sure. Also I want to make sure it doesn't feel like the whole family is in jail

also, should I tell my wife to keep quiet in jail? I would hope she doesn't talk to anyone there.

Bob
03-02-2015, 02:06 AM
If your wife and daughter want a visit, go with her. It won't be the way you described it. The room you meet her at will have prison guards. Read the comments by the Orange is the new Black gal. She tells what women need to know in jail.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piper_Kerman

Candace Camp
03-02-2015, 03:26 AM
You'd think she was the village whore, the way you write about her.

Peter1469
03-02-2015, 04:14 AM
Leave it your to your daughter. If she is OK with it, then do it. If she reacts badly you don't have to take her back. It is only 7 months.

sachem
03-02-2015, 04:41 AM
Gee, that is some first post. Kinda "ripped" from the headlines.

Common
03-02-2015, 05:39 AM
Anyone can make a mistake? why are you even posting this, your not a kid if you have a 15 yr old daughter.

Of course your children should visit their mother if thats what they want to do. Your wife isnt a serial murderer. Sounds like she was writing bad checks or something similar.

donttread
03-02-2015, 07:58 AM
Leave it your to your daughter. If she is OK with it, then do it. If she reacts badly you don't have to take her back. It is only 7 months.

Family choice. Definitely go with her if she visits. Her calmness in handling her mother's situation however... might just be her personality but it's a little concerning. You might want to have her visit the school or a private counselor

Reason10
03-02-2015, 08:03 AM
hoping there might be some people familiar in law enforcement here.

my wife will soon be entering county jail for seven months for a money crime. . I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my kids she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes. I am wondering what is the best way to prepare for this situation and how to handle it. I have a daughter who is 15 and she seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. She later joked about how her mother is "getting ordered around now". I think it is just a joke and I think it is better to be that way instead of being hysterical about it . I was originally not going to let her visit her mom in jail because I would think exposing her to that environment is not a good idea but I am actually hearing that it is a good idea to let her visit but why? isn't it a bad idea to let a 15 year old be exposed to a jail. She could easily be intimidated by the guards and inmates and just the area. My wife says bring her if she wants to visit but don't if she doesn't. She says she doesn't have a problem visiting but I am not sure. Also I want to make sure it doesn't feel like the whole family is in jail

also, should I tell my wife to keep quiet in jail? I would hope she doesn't talk to anyone there.

A couple of things:
1. It's not a good idea for a 15 year old girl to be visiting a jail. She'll be seeing enough horrible stuff in her lifetime without having to see this now. She wants to have the memory of mommy coming OUT of jail, not mommy in jail.
2. Damn right wifey should keep quiet in jail. Assume EVERY inmate there is a jailhouse snitch who would use what she says to barter for a reduced sentence. District Attorneys are not above using this tactic to help add time to a sentence. Don't give them the ammo.

midcan5
03-02-2015, 08:46 AM
Visiting jail may be a great life lesson - a place where the future excludes her. As for the first question, let her go, her call, openness is often a good thing, you may not always agree, but it allows communication.

astr591
03-02-2015, 12:27 PM
Anyone can make a mistake? why are you even posting this, your not a kid if you have a 15 yr old daughter.

Of course your children should visit their mother if thats what they want to do. Your wife isnt a serial murderer. Sounds like she was writing bad checks or something similar.

Some might say a jail environment is too unpleasant of a place for young person.

astr591
03-02-2015, 12:29 PM
Visiting jail may be a great life lesson - a place where the future excludes her. As for the first question, let her go, her call, openness is often a good thing, you may not always agree, but it allows communication.

"Future excludes her" what do you mean exactly

Mr. Right
03-02-2015, 01:39 PM
I'd talk with whomever is the person in charge of visiting and ask about proceedure and conditions. I'd be worried that the daughter may develop a huge disconnect with mom if she were not allowed to visit... especially if they're close. I'd also pray... alot.

TrueBlue
03-02-2015, 01:48 PM
IMHO, if her daughter wants to go visit her mother she should be able to if there is no law prohibiting that. I am assuming you would go along with her or another adult as should happen if she decides to go. Your wife is still your daughter's Mother and blood runs thicker than water. No doubt your wife is sorry for what happened and the choices she made but staying away is not the road to repair. I think she needs a lot of good support right now and understanding. What she did was wrong but she is now paying the price for it and family being there is always helpful under the circumstances. As to her "talking" to others, that is entirely her choice, her decision. She is an adult and should know her limits on what to say or what not to say.

Redrose
03-02-2015, 01:56 PM
hoping there might be some people familiar in law enforcement here.

my wife will soon be entering county jail for seven months for a money crime. . I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my kids she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes. I am wondering what is the best way to prepare for this situation and how to handle it. I have a daughter who is 15 and she seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. She later joked about how her mother is "getting ordered around now". I think it is just a joke and I think it is better to be that way instead of being hysterical about it . I was originally not going to let her visit her mom in jail because I would think exposing her to that environment is not a good idea but I am actually hearing that it is a good idea to let her visit but why? isn't it a bad idea to let a 15 year old be exposed to a jail. She could easily be intimidated by the guards and inmates and just the area. My wife says bring her if she wants to visit but don't if she doesn't. She says she doesn't have a problem visiting but I am not sure. Also I want to make sure it doesn't feel like the whole family is in jail

also, should I tell my wife to keep quiet in jail? I would hope she doesn't talk to anyone there.


I would say it's fine to let her visit her mom in jail, 15 is not too young. The visitors areas are quite safe. I have been in the inner sanctum of the jail and prison, the actual pods, not a nice place for a female, but the visitor areas are fine. It will be good for both of them to help get through this.

My grandkids visit their dad in prison, they are 7 and 10. Their other grandmother takes them. I feel that may be too young, but I'm not making the calls in that situation.

I'm sorry to hear your family is going through that and I am happy to hear you are standing by her. People makes mistakes. God Bless your family and hopefully you all can put this behind you and move on.

Candace Camp
03-02-2015, 03:39 PM
The mother is the one picked on in this family.

astr591
04-08-2015, 06:55 PM
I have no taken my daughter yet but they have talked on the phone but I plan to do so

One thing I heard is she might see jail as all right or "cool" because her mom seems to be getting through it fine. Is this true likely?

Peter1469
04-08-2015, 07:00 PM
I have no taken my daughter yet but they have talked on the phone but I plan to do so

One thing I heard is she might see jail as all right or "cool" because her mom seems to be getting through it fine. Is this true likely?
Not from my experience.

Dr. Who
04-08-2015, 07:41 PM
I have no taken my daughter yet but they have talked on the phone but I plan to do so

One thing I heard is she might see jail as all right or "cool" because her mom seems to be getting through it fine. Is this true likely?
I'm not sure that being locked up can be seen as cool. Fifteen is one of the crucial years in a girl's development, so being able to see and talk to her mother is important. Mom can't see her daughter's eyes when they speak on the phone. What you don't want is your daughter emotionally reacting to her mother being out of her life for several months.

Redrose
04-08-2015, 10:05 PM
I have no taken my daughter yet but they have talked on the phone but I plan to do so

One thing I heard is she might see jail as all right or "cool" because her mom seems to be getting through it fine. Is this true likely?


There is nothing cool about losing your freedom and being confined. Your daughter will not see it as cool.
It's a life lesson to show we must pay for our wrong doings. Let her see her mom, it will be good for all three of you. God Bless.