Chris
09-15-2017, 12:30 PM
Time for a divorce? Or replace contempt with discussion?
Americans’ Contempt For Each Other Is A Key Indicator Of A Future Divorce (http://thefederalist.com/2017/09/08/americans-contempt-key-indicator-future-divorce/)
It’s tempting to blame the dysfunction of American politics on presidents, politicians, or political parties, and even easier to demand the remedy from them. The truth is, Americans need to take a look in the mirror to identify the heart of the problem: We have cultivated a political culture where healthy debate is nearly impossible.
The political left and right in America are like partners in a marriage gone bad. Before we can work out problems like health care or other policies, we all need to relearn how to communicate.
According to John Gottman, one of the world’s leading experts on marriage, there is no pattern of communication more lethal to a relationship than contempt. He designates contempt as the single most powerful indicator of divorce. By observing just one hour of conversation between partners, Gottman says he can predict with 94 percent accuracy whether a marriage will end in divorce. It is the presence or absence of contempt, more than any other factor, that makes the difference.
...Fortunately, there is a way forward. It’s found in learning how to disagree again. It should be noted that contempt is not disagreement. Disagreeing with another viewpoint is appropriate and healthy in political discourse. If we define disagreement as an assertion that something is wrong with another person’s viewpoint, then contempt is defined as the assertion that nothing about the person is right. We have to be sure that disagreement about a viewpoint does not creep into a judgment about the person. Like marriage partners, we need to find constructive ways to say our piece, disagree, and move forward.
...
Americans’ Contempt For Each Other Is A Key Indicator Of A Future Divorce (http://thefederalist.com/2017/09/08/americans-contempt-key-indicator-future-divorce/)
It’s tempting to blame the dysfunction of American politics on presidents, politicians, or political parties, and even easier to demand the remedy from them. The truth is, Americans need to take a look in the mirror to identify the heart of the problem: We have cultivated a political culture where healthy debate is nearly impossible.
The political left and right in America are like partners in a marriage gone bad. Before we can work out problems like health care or other policies, we all need to relearn how to communicate.
According to John Gottman, one of the world’s leading experts on marriage, there is no pattern of communication more lethal to a relationship than contempt. He designates contempt as the single most powerful indicator of divorce. By observing just one hour of conversation between partners, Gottman says he can predict with 94 percent accuracy whether a marriage will end in divorce. It is the presence or absence of contempt, more than any other factor, that makes the difference.
...Fortunately, there is a way forward. It’s found in learning how to disagree again. It should be noted that contempt is not disagreement. Disagreeing with another viewpoint is appropriate and healthy in political discourse. If we define disagreement as an assertion that something is wrong with another person’s viewpoint, then contempt is defined as the assertion that nothing about the person is right. We have to be sure that disagreement about a viewpoint does not creep into a judgment about the person. Like marriage partners, we need to find constructive ways to say our piece, disagree, and move forward.
...