Growing Misery Among Girls, Young Women

[Adelaide]

I don't know the answer to this topic. I know from my own personal life experiences my depression and anxiety played a big part in my life in high school and through early college before I felt like I turned the corner. Looking back there was a lot in my life that made me intensely happy which probably kept me from being truly miserable, but my misery came from debilitating OCD issues and a lot of insecurities. Contemplating suicide crosses your mind but for me it never materialized to the point where I saw it as a legitimate escape. During that time I would have lacked the confidence that I would have been able to succeed at that anyway or that if I did commit suicide that I wouldn't do it right. Social media wasn't my enemy and feminism didn't have any real impact on what I was going through, but that was MY experience. For so many other girls it's totally different. I had my ways of escaping, such as hiking, my younger sister, and a passion for wildlife.

I think people find ways to mentally avoid suicide, even if they really think it is the only option. For me? I didn't want to leave a mess. Seriously. That was my thought process. At one point I was counting pills and pacing for hours but changed my mind because I didn't want my family to find a mess (vomit, blood, etc.). The only other time I seriously considered it I was on a business trip and the mess part was not an issue but then I worried my parents would forget to feed my cat. Two sort of random reasons not to kill myself, but I think it was my brain saying "back up" and "do not do that."

I said to my therapist once that the only thing I think I have ever truly failed at was killing myself. I seem to always land on my feet through sheer stubbornness, but that was something I could never make myself do even if I really wanted to.

[Mister D]

Everyone I know or knew I should say that committed suicide was a guy. I heard plenty of stories of girls harming themselves but no deaths.

[Adelaide]

Everyone I know or knew I should say that committed suicide was a guy. I heard plenty of stories of girls harming themselves but no deaths.

I knew of maybe two or three suicides in high school and they were girls.

But I knew of like ten or more friends who had fathers who killed themselves.

Age and gender play a role.

[Mister D]

I've thought about suicide as a teenager and as a grown man. The difference in perspective is what stands out most to me. As a child you tend be self-absorbed. Your problems are all that matters. As an adult I felt a weariness that I never felt as a teen. That was alarming but at the same time my mother and other people who in some way depended on me occupied my thoughts. It makes this option so.much more complicated.

[Mister D]

I knew of maybe two or three suicides in high school and they were girls.

But I knew of like ten or more friends who had fathers who killed themselves.

Age and gender play a role.

That has to emotionally stunting.

[Adelaide]

That has to emotionally stunting.

Huh?

[Mister D]

Huh?

Your father committing suicide.

[Adelaide]

Your father committing suicide.

Most of the kids switched schools or moved.

[Mister D]

Most of the kids switched schools or moved.

That would help I guess but that's something you will deal with for life. I know men do it but i just can't understand that.

[Adelaide]

That would help I guess but that's something you will deal with for life. I know men do it but i just can't understand that.

Well, I got an inside view once.

I had a friend who lived a few streets over, so me and another friend went there looking for her. She was not home, but her dad invited me and my friend in. For some reason he offered us beer and wine and what 16-year old says no to that? And it wasn't a creepy situation because the friend I was with was a guy and we all knew this particular father well. So, we end up shooting the $#@! with him on the deck in the backyard and his wife came home and freaked out. Totally lost her $#@!. Basically threw us out, beverages in hand and we kind of laughed it off. I think he was an alcoholic because he was already drunk when we got there (like 1pm-ish? on a work day). I didn't realize at the time that he was an alcoholic.

A week later he killed himself. I remember this clearly because it was like, "Holy $#@!... I was just there." Guess he hung himself. He had lost his job. His wife was divorcing him, and the three daughters were going to go with her. They were trying and failing to sell the house. He was totally not in control of his addiction. Guess he felt like he was losing everything and had nothing left to lose.