Florida Woman Put Her Dad with Alzheimer’s on a One-Way Flight to Denver

[Lummy]

Actually, this reminds me of Steve Jobs final moments as they've been described.

[Dr. Who]

Like what do you suggest?

Dare I say a state solution? I'm sure that would be as popular with many as a root canal. I don't know. My BIL & SIL are operating a 'daycare' for the elderly, including those with Alzheimer's, but only to a point. They can't take care of people who have reached the stage where they require palliative care and are basically unresponsive or are extremely violent and need medication to keep them calm.

[Peter1469]

I seem to remember reading something a while back about some states going after children of elderly patients for the care and finances of their parents. Something about them being legally obligated to provide at least financial care for mom or dad. I only remember vague details, but one story was about a woman who said that she had not spoken to or had a relationship with either of her parents for over a decade and she shouldn't be expected to provide care for someone with whom she had a very volatile relationship with.

And what of children who are up for caring for their family, but it would wipe them out and leave them destitute?

I can't imagine there is any legal obligation to care for anyone who is not your legal dependent.

If you live in a state that has such draconian laws, protect your assets with a trust.

[Peter1469]

That's awful. I understand that taking care of people with Alzheimer's is often beyond the capabilities of family members but there has to be a better solution than what happened here. Unfortunately, with the aging population, this is either going to become far more common or there have to be more options available for people. Many people simply can't afford the cost of care in facilities that aren't worse than prison.

I planned ahead- I pay a lot for long term health coverage.

[Helena]

I can't imagine there is any legal obligation to care for anyone who is not your legal dependent.

If you live in a state that has such draconian laws, protect your assets with a trust.

This was bothering me so I had to look it up. Filial responsibility laws.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filial...nsibility_laws

[donttread]

I seem to remember reading something a while back about some states going after children of elderly patients for the care and finances of their parents. Something about them being legally obligated to provide at least financial care for mom or dad. I only remember vague details, but one story was about a woman who said that she had not spoken to or had a relationship with either of her parents for over a decade and she shouldn't be expected to provide care for someone with whom she had a very volatile relationship with.

And what of children who are up for caring for their family, but it would wipe them out and leave them destitute?

In my experience it's once you start and it gets bad that if a NH won't take them ( in my other post I meant to say they often DON'T want dementias) you are pretty much stuck. The case you are talking about is a whole new level of controlism.
Legally my children should not be responsible for me. But we have a long term care crisis coming due to aging boomers , so who knows what will happen

[Helena]

Here's what I think I read some years ago.

https://www.thedailybeast.com/are-yo...lderly-parents

[Dr. Who]

In my experience it's once you start and it gets bad that if a NH won't take them ( in my other post I meant to say they often DON'T want dementias) you are pretty much stuck. The case you are talking about is a whole new level of controlism.
Legally my children should not be responsible for me. But we have a long term care crisis coming due to aging boomers , so who knows what will happen

I consider myself fortunate indeed that neither of my parents suffered from Alzheimer's before they passed (Dad was 86 and Mom was 91), but I know many people who are dealing with it daily, whether their parents are in care facilities or being cared for by family and visiting care workers. One friend's sister has her MIL in a home and is also paying for a dedicated worker to keep her MIL entertained and not freaking out and making 20 or 30 phone calls a day demanding to be taken home - and she's in a high-end facility. The alternative would be that she would be medicated. My own SIL and BIL had my BIL's mother in a good facility but his mother wouldn't eat. They had to go there daily to feed her. Their life became much easier when his mother finally passed. People stay physically healthy longer but they still can't fix the problem with brain deterioration in those who for whatever reason develop some form of dementia.

[donttread]

Here's what I think I read some years ago.

https://www.thedailybeast.com/are-yo...lderly-parents

Thank you Helena. I have a huge problem with those laws as well as the differential enforcement. As I said ,once you start caring for them it gets worse and overwhelms people. I think most people will do what they can even if childhood was not easy. My mom lived with us in the family home which we had purchased from her years before when we lived elsewhere ( she had life use) as you could tell she didn't want to sell it. None of us wanted it to be out of the family either. But when she got to the point where she couldn't be alone I made it clear to my sisters that I had no way to care for her and therefore we needed to place her in a good NH. One sister wouldn't have that and took her to her home and took time off as it was only for a few weeks and then she passed. I did not put that on my sister it was her choice. I don't know what she would have done if mom had lived months instead of weeks and quite frankly neither did she. But we clearly communicated with each other which many families fail to do. It's a two earner society for one thing so there are serious limitations on what the kids can do. Many people deteriorate to the point of requiring 24 hour care/supervision/ Who can do that?

[donttread]

I consider myself fortunate indeed that neither of my parents suffered from Alzheimer's before they passed (Dad was 86 and Mom was 91), but I know many people who are dealing with it daily, whether their parents are in care facilities or being cared for by family and visiting care workers. One friend's sister has her MIL in a home and is also paying for a dedicated worker to keep her MIL entertained and not freaking out and making 20 or 30 phone calls a day demanding to be taken home - and she's in a high-end facility. The alternative would be that she would be medicated. My own SIL and BIL had my BIL's mother in a good facility but his mother wouldn't eat. They had to go there daily to feed her. Their life became much easier when his mother finally passed. People stay physically healthy longer but they still can't fix the problem with brain deterioration in those who for whatever reason develop some form of dementia.

Also a couple of generations ago someone was home , the homemaker or the farm family. People could be frequently checked on . Also with less aggressive medical capabilities once someone was debilitated they didn't live nearly as long either.