So why am I writing about a relatively insular blog fight in my Guardian column? Because it sheds light on just how toxic our culture is when it comes to rape and sexual assault – and how we can fight back.
We actually know quite a bit about why men rape, and especially about the kinds of rapes that the media often calls "date rape" or "acquaintance rape" – rapes where the perpetrator knew the victim, or at least ran in the same social circles. Academics, researchers and sociologists have done in-depth studies on sexual assault and found that it's actually a small number of men who commit large numbers of acquaintance rapes. Most of those men intentionally target intoxicated women. They socially isolate them, ply them with alcohol to incapacitate them and intentionally push their boundaries to make them vulnerable.
These repeat rapists are more likely to have rigid views of gender roles and are more angry at women than the non-rapist men. They perpetrate their crimes intentionally, but use our social narratives about rape to avoid prosecution.
"These are clearly not individuals who are simply in need of a little extra education about proper communication with the opposite sex," says David Lisak, one of the researchers. "These are predators."
And yet, we still image acquaintance rape as "grey" or "murky" (two of the adjectives used by writers at the Good Men Project). There's a social view of rape as a "he said / she said" situation, especially when alcohol is involved. Two people get drunk, the thinking goes, and they make bad decisions, or he didn't know she wasn't consenting, or she regrets it in the morning and "cries rape".