Living with mental disability is not easy.

[Cotton1]

I did do one thing I seriously regretted. My other pawns deserved to be in my line of sight useful only as a social trinket. I was in college. I was trying to understand boundaries. My father have me everything I ever wanted but one thing. What was it? I couldn't get him to divorce my mom. He's say " bad fiscal move son". Id say " bad move period, daddyo". Hed say " please don't call me that" call you what dad? Snicker. Dad never said " no you devil spawn kid. How does a person accumulate 50 traffic tickets at your age? I give...tell me dad, how? Dad. Mom resents you for having gf's. I told you do not ever get a side two legger prettier than the one you so foolishly financially signed your life away for. Son , without her , no you. Dad , without her boo fukkin hoo". She's well ok..dad. I regretted testing my dad. I lied. I said " dad , got mixed up with bad dudes in my bookie gig". WTH? I said stop that $#@!. Fuk me son. Talk..now. Dad I didn't lie . my sister's bf dragged me back in. If you don't believe me visit him . why ? I demanded he keep the books. He cannot deny ...on purpose son? Dad...that hurt. I said some dudes were gonna fuk me up for reelz if I didn't pay the $30k my bookie biz owed. He said " are you insane"? Dad..it was $35k...im sorry son , good intent. When you need it? 10 AM. Tomorrow? Lmao dad, 10 AM today. I owed ZERO. I used my father's love for me as a weapon. Bad ..i even got 30k for being a pos..I kept the money. Some things are better left unsaid or blamed on Someone else. I nevee told. Never. Nobody . how did u keep a secret ? By keeping it. Ok? Someone has to define the ...ok, motivate others . learn what motivates them. Boom. Is it money ? Lmao grasshopper alter ego of Cotton. Nope. Even in the poorest nations money is not a prime motivator. Trinkets are. A trinket can be a co workers ex wife you knew was a trinket for some insecure hack down the road. Many men are defined by their two legger. Why? Because until ahe showed up odds were 7/5 against any woman playing footsie with that twisted pos. Thanks mfer. 7/5 is a sucker bet. How do you know cotton ? Had it not been I would've set the odds differently. I was a bookie till om.. Confidential info. Eat my ass, grasshopper cotton. Speak when allowed to , jr. Whose the prettiest mfer on earth?...you are Cotton. You. Only.
Moving on....i was not motivated by money. But. I had two stepkids I still love so much. I had a soul mate for a wife that was beautiful , smart , high social IQ, genetics were maybe 7 on a 10 ...past 8 two leggers are like purebred dogs. The body says " where is my cut '"?..then , you die . what do you die from Cotton? The same thing lady di died from mfer, dying. WTH matter with you?
My motivation was to give my stepkids everything they wanted. Not my job to play " wide dad teach...fuk off. Wise STEPDAD gives and makes them secure and happy. I gave them a yes on everything. Wife was a prim proper blue blood. We bonded via ..we were great enablers ..lol. The stepkids liquor bill was $200 a weekend, a lot but hey..he was a stud muffin and she was incredible too. She ex laxed her entire 8th grade class , successfully. All by her self. I was strangely , proud. No conspirators = she prolly lied. I may have been wrong . a year later I passed out face down at home. Next day I awake .." Wtf"? Lol. $5k was gone from my back pocket. It never showed up. Never? Nope. I didn't want them to know i knew. It only took 12 hours to learn. I did not want them to understand my process so I didn't exhibit. Honestly ? That's cute. I guess some peeps really do show their love thru manifestations of internalized emotions. Boom..+2. Grasshopper cotton). Internalized emotion manifest mostly as anger. Anger is not just the night my sweet wife busted a bottle of Tequila over my head. Why? How the fuk would I know? I was unconscious until I was revived...were you mad? Hell no..it was hawt ..hawt. Im being 100% serious. I did go to my mother's home and invite the beautiful caring French indian arch nemesis of my wife to my moms and enjoy a nice day hugging , " you ok boo boo cotton"..? I am now you insanely useful two legger. Punkun..i love you". I want you in my world as a friend only. I do not want to risk you being resented. Who would resent me son of momma dearest . stepphie poo...i would. Your hubby will need to understand we are stardust we are golden ...im going to go home to the wife. . bottle over head. Victom card..me? Haha. Fuk yea. Ambulance ride. Unique..peeps were like " hey she broke a bottle over his head "..really? That $#@!...exactly. I wish she wasn't hanging with the Angels. I love you. A lot. Miss you. I saw my father die inside from seeing me die inside when you . i love you. Miss you .

My Amour....my Amour..

" it doesn't matter if I look
Into your eyes at your hair ",
Or really just anywhere",
Only a princess as you,
Can be so beautiful...everywhere.

Luv...too much love kisses

. No coping skills . lif
e is a mean $#@! but a bastion of knowledge. ..beyond that?
" we are stardust , we are golden "

I miss the cat too. I named her "Angel' in your honor.
Sweeties...there truly is "always something there to remind me"...i dream of her often ...

[Cotton1]

Define alcoholic.

Yippee! In football we would have "skull" sessions. Not taking.turns breaking things over our" nog nog noggin on heavens doors "but the coach trying to convince those that didnt understand not many limbs are broken , concussions given , muscles torn so many times in the same place the opponant is out of service. Not for life, Only huge gaps. Cotton...how on earth does an opponant get the same massive injury everytime you and him compete ? For the same reason a bazooka has a sighted, target. . if I separate a guys shoulder one game he heals we meet in playofs. I separate same shoulder ... why spread his crippling ? Finish him or gtfo the field. Some play to win..dont be a weak link ...

[Cotton1]

Thank you. I have been a patient since 1992. I am sort of proud of it.

Amadeus smiles. Amadeus is an alter ego I use. Amadeus is Mozart's middle name. I channel Amadeus as a subtle manner of creative expression and release. Mozart was a rival to the other composer, Bach . a side of my family are Bachs. That is why my father was an entertainer who still has
Fans in Europe , Japan, America etc.. He went on to be an entertainment executive in the recording industry. I use my Mozart alter ego to self deprecate and taunt me , Bach...i never create with Amadeus. That was not intentional. Over time I noticed he expresses physically. In my Amadeus references I will say " Amadeus kicked the piano bench across the and bowed to the audience ..or "Amadeus cheered" etc. I do not block the forces of creative expression. I do not force it either. I love to " let go..let it flow"...what is a very complex and busy Assembly of stimuli applied over various frames of time , recall , release , you, escape etc. It dissapoints me so many see my ramblings as utter insanity. Too bad they lack the education to realize they just have me a HUGE compliment.. Im not special but I do things others simply cannot do. Yes..its chaos. Its also simple. It's also beautiful on occasion, sometimes it's profoundly sad..i went thru a period of mixed episodes today. At 1:59 PM post #6 I suddenly said "today I cried" ..in reality I was crying when I wrote it. I mask often. I was going up down up down in minutes , not days ..http://thepoliticalforums.com/thread...wn-don-k-notts

[donttread]

Define alcoholic.

https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health/overview-alcohol-consumption/alcohol-use-disorders


See above. But only if you want to get fancy. In real life one of these criteria drives the others. Loss of control. If someone drinks when they determined not to or more than they meant to with any regularity the rest are just a matter of time. Heavy drinkers are not stupid. So they try to control their drinking on their own. If that works great, if it doesn't after a few attempts then it's probably never going to.

[donttread]

Diabetes? Really? You lost all credibility.

Look Tally , I've explained this you don't have to be medical to see the comparison. A flaw in body chemistry coupled with a debilitating behavior. How does that not describe most type two Diabetics? Most heart disease also has a behavioral component. Does that mean it is not a disease? Insurance companies would love that definition!

[donttread]

Big polar is the biggest. Everyone in the world can be diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

How does an intelligent person hold such views? Bipolar is much more than just typical human mood swings and mania can even produce psychotic episodes. These facts are not hidden , please look it up. People are known to stay up for days on end. Seriously look it up.

[donttread]

Yippee! In football we would have "skull" sessions. Not taking.turns breaking things over our" nog nog noggin on heavens doors "but the coach trying to convince those that didnt understand not many limbs are broken , concussions given , muscles torn so many times in the same place the opponant is out of service. Not for life, Only huge gaps. Cotton...how on earth does an opponant get the same massive injury everytime you and him compete ? For the same reason a bazooka has a sighted, target. . if I separate a guys shoulder one game he heals we meet in playofs. I separate same shoulder ... why spread his crippling ? Finish him or gtfo the field. Some play to win..dont be a weak link ...

I've sometimes wondered if hard core jocks were giving each other a little "skull" in the locker room. Splains a lot really! Now I'm wondering if gym rats do the same. Each to their own.

[Tahuyaman]

How does an intelligent person hold such views? Bipolar is much more than just typical human mood swings and mania can even produce psychotic episodes. These facts are not hidden , please look it up. People are known to stay up for days on end. Seriously look it up.

Seriously. Everyone in the world can be considered bipolar.

[donttread]

Seriously. Everyone in the world can be considered bipolar.

Well I have no choice but to take your argument seriously given the information and knowledge you have used to back up your opinion. Oh wait , you haven't done that at all, you just keep saying "bipolar" is invented when in fact it has been around forever and is a well documented mental illness that can effect all areas of someone's life. Can you find any credible professionals who share your opinion?

Or look at it this way.Do you ever stay up working on something for three or four days? Do you have psychotic episodes sometimes? Do these things plus deep depression make it difficult for you to keep a job or a relationship or friends?

[Tahuyaman]

Nonsense.