I have tried. I have sincerely tried. But...the little voice is getting louder now saying " there is a reason for 3 things. #1. He didnt like her . #2. Yet he wasted 60 years with her. #3. Why he looked me square in the eye and in a moment of clarity that peered out from his dementia he said " you know your mom is half crazy dont you"?
My dad wasnt into riddles but he was a very complex person who delivered things he said in a manner that forced you to think, listen and appreciate. He also understood the crown he placed upon my head was a bit heavy at times and when he goes DOA , ejected from the playing field" it was going to be a crown mired in not only weight but resentment , envy , confusion, hurt feelings and mixed emotions. I actually understand my female opponants feeling as such. I would be crushed too if dad worshipped them but treated me like an ..afterthought
. I will say this. In my defense I was , am and likely always will be more lovable than them. Partly born that way. The rest...I am a very thoughtful loving person . it's not my fault my father chose me but he did. I think his motives were mostly to use me in a varying role of passive aggression against them. Honestly ? My sisters are not good people. They simply are not. I cant change that. As for mom? I would rather not comment. Shes a master player of the victim card. I do not want to say weird stuff that would possibly give it credibility beyond delusional. If someone had told me 20 years ago our tree bark tight family would some day be ripped asunder I would have said " you are insane". I have more of a problem understanding how we ended up this way than I do with my sister's and mom. Im honest. Im only choosing to play because I am in it for the money now. Not so much for me but because I refuse to let them steal my cut without a fight. Its wrong.