Are Parents Enabling Their Grown Children by Paying for Them?

[DGUtley]

Are Parents Enabling Their Grown Children by Paying for Them? This is an interesting issue. (I know how it works with Mrs. U...)
Dear Lisa,

My kids are recent college graduates—but whenever they come to visit or we travel,
my husband and I still pay for everything. When should parents stop paying for their kids’
dinners and vacations?

Brianna

https://www.oprahmag.com/life/relati...=pocket-newtab

[Peter1469]

Parents should only pay for, or partly for, a vacation that they insist their kids come with. Not sure why a recent college grad wants to spend vacation time with the folks.

[Common]

I dont know, I still pay for the kids when were with them, old habits die hard

[FindersKeepers]

I think it all depends. Most parents help their children after they've reached adulthood -- it one of the things that separate us from the animal kingdom.

I think parents should pay if it's the parents who suggest going out to eat or on a vacation. Adult kids rarely want to spend time with their parents, and if they have to pay money they likely can't afford, they probably won't. It depends on what the parents think of as being most important to "family." It also depends on the financial status of the parents versus the kids. Most adult kids are newly in their careers, many are swamped paying back school loans and older parents usually are more financially stable. I would never ask one of my adult kids to pay for a vacation I ask them to go on -- if I know they can't afford it.

But -- adult kids should not feel entitled to their parent's money.

[DGUtley]

I always pay - though my son in law offers and Mrs. U says "no". In fact, I'll be buying lunch here shortly. The two of them have a salary slightly higher than mine combined. I grew up dirt poor so it makes me happy and proud that I can pay. Mrs. U just bought hotels rooms, tickets at Disney and flights for all of them for December. She always tells me that she's going to 'take it out of their account' -- yeah, right. That's never happened.

Like @Common said -- habits.

[stjames1_53]

I think it depends on just what is being paid for.
College? NO! Letting deadbeat kids cozy into their parents home? NO!
Dinner or lunch, why not.
The occasional loan? Repay the last one before you borrow more.
We have standing invites for our children (adults now). Come visit, let us know enough in advance, come with a return ticket.

[Captdon]

I pay for dinner with my daughter and her family. I can afford it and I want to do it.