Well in real life you wouldn’t slap $#@! because I would beat you within an inch of your life. Regardless of whether it was my face or head. Of course we are just talking hypothetically. This is all in fun and all.
I don’t think you understand what us “linguists” did in the military. We learned multiple languages to further the goals of our Nation. Mind you those other languages have a very different way of communication. Something people who only speak English don’t understand.
You see people who speak different languages do so in a context that often times isn’t purely “American”. It’s our jobs as linguists to cut through the cultural barrier. I learned a lot when I was in places like Bosnia and Croatia.
What I took away from those experiences is that there are a few select weapons I think are important. Outside of those few select weapons everything else is a toy.