I put this in the Latest Happenings folder because it is a true story that happened last week. Somewhere in Florida, I work as a substitute teacher. I see stuff from a very unique perspective. Here's the story:

For the last month, I have been getting shifts at this high school. (Not going to say where, and in what county, but let's just call it Dumbass High.) The original ELA class was for a teacher who had been sidelined by her doctor for a month. That was a nice bunch of consistent gravy shifts, although high schools always have to start at 6:45, requiring me to get up at five. (ELA is basically language arts: reading writing, grammar, composition, literature, etc)

After one week, there was a Reading teacher on the second floor who passed the bar exam (he was also teaching law classes), quit his job with no notice and moved to Orlando to work in a law firm. (He was on record as having called the assistant principal a bitcch to her face, and this was witnessed by a student.) They moved me to his class and I've been in that arena of dumbasses ever since. Basically it is 11th Grade Reading. Basically, it's a bunch of kids who will not graduate. They have consistently flunked the FSA exam, so they are just wasting taxpayer dollars.

Wait! It gets even better.

I've had NO lesson plan from Day One for this group of morons. The teacher next door would come over and give the kids a Google Classroom assignment in reading. (Yes, the kids all have Chromebooks and do a lot of their work in Google Classroom. I have to take their word for it because subs do not get passwords for these assignments.) The kids basically goof off on their phones, watch sports on the Chromebooks and just visit, like they're standing on a street corner hanging out. They are studying about as much as the janitors. (I AM NOT MAKING ANY OF THIS UP.)

Wait! It gets even better.

I've begged the Sub Coordinator for lesson plans. She finally admitted to me that it would be okay for me to just be a babysitter for that class, since the school was advertising for another teacher. Thing is, this is in a county where even though the teacher salaries are higher than most, they aren't enough for teachers to be able to afford to buy a house. Teachers are leaving the profession. So I'm a paid babysitter for these morons. And here's the catch. They are ALL failing. If I had been their actual teacher, I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN THE BLAME, even though any 11th Grade Reading teacher inherits the idiots. Because I'm a sub, I'm not held to ANY academic standards at all. Yes, I want to do a good job, but I'll not face any disciplinary action if my kids end this school year dumber than they were when they started.

Wait! IT GETS EVEN BETTER.

Yes, the teacher next door gave me a few overhead projector lesson plans to go over some grammar stuff with the students. Some of the kids actually took time from their phones to pay attention. Some of them were actually participating in the discussion. One kid (a flaming homosexual Hispanic who actually admitted his class was too dumb to pass the FSA) started mouthing off about how American grammar was ghetto compared to the British. I was okay with that. He was participating, at least. I could have made a case. Another student was offended that he was mouthing off at me and I almost had to break up a fight. Both Hispanic kids were throwing N bombs back and forth, along with F bombs and some rather transsexual language that would get me banned from my own thread if I were to mention them in any detail. So there was no way I could actually teach this class of idiots even if I wanted to. Now I had to worry about protecting their safety.

Wait! IT GETS EVEN BETTER.

March is the SATS. (Yeah, I know. These 11th grade reading students will be about as qualified to take the SAT as a burger flipper at McDonalds taking an LSAT for a Harvard Law Degree.) So the reading coach last week had me give the class an SAT practice exam. I'd pass out the books and loose leave notebook paper, instructed them to ONLY do Part 1 and Part 2, do not write in the book, pass the paper in at the end of the period. Yes, there was ONE idiot student who wrote in the book even though I wrote very CLEARLY on the board not to. So I've had some actual "teacher" work to do, since I had to grade their papers. And it is as you might have guessed. Most of them barely have a fifth grade reading level. They ALL flunked.

WAIT!!! IT GETS EVEN BETTER, AND THIS IS FUNNY AS HELL.

The practice SAT test is multiple choice. One kid took only two minutes to just write in B for all the answers. I showed that paper to two teachers and they laughed their assses off.

WAIT!!! IT GETS EVEN BETTER.
ARE YOU READY FOR THE PUNCH LINE.

The girl who put in all B's GOT THE HIGHEST SCORE IN THE CLASS.

Your comments are welcome. There is nothing you can say that will be wrong.