Stupid army stories.

[Tahuyaman]

Most soldiers have stories about sending a new “cruite” to Range Control to secure the keys to the training area or to the ammo NCO for a can of muzzle flash. That’s just having fun.


A few of us were sitting around one day talking about health foods and stuff like that. My LT was there and he was a smart guy. He mentioned that drinking cherry juice was supposed to be an effective anti-oxidant or very healthy in some way. I don’t remember the specifics.

We had a brand new private who was from somewhere in the deep south, Mississippi I think and was very simple minded. nothing against people from the Deep South.


We were a mechanized infantry unit. We were continually doing maintenance on our personnel carriers. There are a variety of fluid levels you need to maintain. One of those fluids is hydraulic fluid. We referred to that as “cherry juice”.

You guessed it. In the motor pool he poured some in a paper cup and downed it. We got him to the hospital in time.

[Tahuyaman]

The company commander wanted to give him an article 15 as he thought the kid did it to get out of training. It took me a while to convince the CO that the kid was just that dumb.

We couldn’t find a job this kid could do, so we moved him to HQ platoon and made him the full time resource and utilities (R&U) guy. As the R&U guy he did projects around the company area like painting and replacing light bulbs and such. He was good at it too.

[Retirednsmilin308]

I have no doubt this story is true. I think all services have some people a few fries short of a happy meal.

I caught one dumbass holding a glass of his own urine up to the light saying if you have VD, you can tell so this way.
Another guy was happy we were pulling into Spain the next day because that is where pizza was invented and he wanted to get some.
Another brainiac was worried about TIGERS when we were in Mombasa, Kenya, Africa.


In the Navy we send noobs to the boatswains locker for A) 50 feet of waterline
B) Up to the flight deck for a 5 gallon can of prop wash,
C) ...and to sick bay for a channel fever shot.

A) the water line on a ship is where the water meets the hull.
B) prop wash is the turbulence a plane's propeller makes pushing the air around.
C) channel fever is the phenomenon when you have been at sea a very long time and the next day you are going to pull into some port. The night before you can not sleep because you are so excited. We call it channel fever.

You can also get bit by "sea bats". Dangerous little critters.

[Tahuyaman]

You didn’t need to explain what those things are.

[Tahuyaman]

At Ft Carson we warned the new private about the Snow Snakes.

[Peter1469]

In the 82nd we sent the new guys to the supply room to get riser grease before jumps.

[Tahuyaman]

In the 82nd we sent the new guys to the supply room to get riser grease before jumps.

I would have thought of something involving a “can of peas”.

[Standing Wolf]

In Photographer's Mate 'A' School in Pensacola, Senior Chief Renaud used to send new students to the Supply room for "a box of f-stops". Then one day, one of the SKs found a small wooden file box filled with tiny slips of paper with 'f16', 'f32', 'f-5.6', etc. written on them. No idea what they were for. So the next time Senior sent a kid to get a box of f-stops, he came back with one. I wish I could have seen the look on his face, but I only heard about it.

A Corpsman I knew told me that he'd once given a Marine some suppositories for a case of constipation. He said the young Marine was back the following week, reporting that it was worse than ever. And when the lucky Corpsman took a look with his penlight, he observed that the Marine had neglected to remove the foil from the suppositories before inserting them.