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Thread: What is consent?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adelaide View Post
    So I am having to do Title IX training for next year and something interesting that I never knew (because I never bothered doing this seminar before) is that consent is considered to be "FRIES": Freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific.

    I actually thought that seemed like a good way to gauge it; informed and freely given implies that someone cannot be blackout drunk, for example.

    What are your thoughts?
    Well, so how'd your training go?

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    Quote Originally Posted by DGUtley View Post
    Agree. What happens if both were equally drunk? I had that case once.
    You mean both the guy and the girl? The guy would be charged tho Ive never seen such a case. Its like a domestic where the girl is injured. The man is far more physically powerful and is in the position of power over the girl. He'd be arrested tho if he were charged with sexual assault and prosecuted would be up to the Lawyers. No matter his own condition if he took advantage of a girl that drunk the cops wouldn't let him go.
    “We hold these truths to be self-evident,” "All men and women created by — you know, you know, the thing.”

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adelaide View Post
    So I am having to do Title IX training for next year and something interesting that I never knew (because I never bothered doing this seminar before) is that consent is considered to be "FRIES": Freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific.

    I actually thought that seemed like a good way to gauge it; informed and freely given implies that someone cannot be blackout drunk, for example.

    What are your thoughts?
    So, I guess you didn't train? It didn't go well? You were thrown out? It got canceled?

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    Quote Originally Posted by jet57 View Post
    So, I guess you didn't train? It didn't go well? You were thrown out? It got canceled?
    Went fine. Not sure why you're asking?

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    I never needed any training on how to hit on chicks. You have the right moves it is like shooting fish in a barrel. Throw in a few drinks and it is hammer time!

    "Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining"----Fletcher in The Outlaw Josey Wales

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adelaide View Post
    Went fine. Not sure why you're asking?
    I had mentioned situational stuff to you and you never responded, so I was just curious.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jet57 View Post
    I had mentioned situational stuff to you and you never responded, so I was just curious.
    Sorry.

    Quote Originally Posted by jet57 View Post
    Sorry to say, but these days only a woman can describe what consent is, and that largely depends upon how she feels about the other person. Angie Dickinson said something very interesting on that subject: "an open robe is not a rape".

    You should also talk about "Haptics"; I'm one of those: we communicate through 'touch': touch the arm when talking: it's empathy, not hitting on you. It's the same type of empathy as when you open your mouth when feeding a baby.

    And - consenting to what exactly? A touch on the arm or on the ass? Communications are highly specific to given personalities: many MANY women joke in ways too that can easily be misinterpreted; but who's wrong in THAT case?

    Something to think about.
    Title IX training was primarily geared towards sexual assault on campus (which tends to be the focus of training for undergrads) and then because I will be working with faculty there was some information on defining and reporting sexual harassment. Also, I will be in a position of authority over undergrads and some grad students so that's another new aspect that the training touched on.

    And no, I don't believe it's about how a woman would define it. Almost everyone in this thread seems to predominantly focus on the idea that loads of women are crying rape because they regret a decision to have sex, but having worked with victims of sexual assault, it seems to be the other way around. A lot of women (and men) don't recognize or understand a past sexual encounter that was not consenting or healthy (unhealthy in terms of not being illegal but traumatic somehow). It is surprising, actually, but I think it's how the human mind protects itself (denial) and also the result of a lack of education on the issue. Of course, this is anecdotal based on my experience as an advocate.

    Being prone to express yourself in one way wouldn't excuse inappropriate behavior if it happened. Behavior can be modified.

    What do you mean by "joke in ways"?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adelaide View Post
    Sorry.



    Title IX training was primarily geared towards sexual assault on campus (which tends to be the focus of training for undergrads) and then because I will be working with faculty there was some information on defining and reporting sexual harassment. Also, I will be in a position of authority over undergrads and some grad students so that's another new aspect that the training touched on.

    And no, I don't believe it's about how a woman would define it. Almost everyone in this thread seems to predominantly focus on the idea that loads of women are crying rape because they regret a decision to have sex, but having worked with victims of sexual assault, it seems to be the other way around. A lot of women (and men) don't recognize or understand a past sexual encounter that was not consenting or healthy (unhealthy in terms of not being illegal but traumatic somehow). It is surprising, actually, but I think it's how the human mind protects itself (denial) and also the result of a lack of education on the issue. Of course, this is anecdotal based on my experience as an advocate.

    Being prone to express yourself in one way wouldn't excuse inappropriate behavior if it happened. Behavior can be modified.

    What do you mean by "joke in ways"?
    Sexual assault on campuses and work place interactions are really two different things. You originally did not specify college sexual assault as your subject as I recall, or I just missed it, so I approached it from a more general perspective.

    Sexual assault on women by testosterone enveloped young men, especially when they are mixed with alcohol does indeed present filter issues for those young men AND those young women who will egg it on... or initiate a sexual encounter when also dosed with alcohol. I find these situations to be more primal than social and thus can present real problems as we all know. I applaud your work in that area and I hope that you can help boys with their gentlemanly selves to be more confident.

    "Consent" however, IS more aimed at the woman's perspective, since they of course are more the victims... Sometimes guys will touch a woman in conversation which is not assault, but some more emotionally prone women can and do feel victimized and the guy is looked upon for taking unwanted advances; so that's where I was going with that. WOMEN however can be very suggestive and touchy and that can communicate things to boys that aren't necessarily true and a guy can get into trouble. I had an experience some years ago with a woman exec during Christmas time: we knew each other well enough, and there were rolls of Christmas paper being handed out, I had missed the give away, so I approached privately and handed a roll at about a 45 degree angle; she said "your wife might appreciate that"...

    So, yeah, women "joke" about sex as well and that can create uncomfortable situations, and as you and I sit here, we KNOW that mine was not an isolated case... There are two sides to this human condition and being more sensitive to the guy's version of it, will help women better understand the signs and characteristics when they are active: always active in a lot of cases - yes, but more guys control better than others unless their are mind altering conditions at the time... Being Haptic is NOT an excuse, and Haptics are not [i]prone]/i] to inappropriate behavior. That tells me that you have a very narrow view of this and THAT too is a great problem in unfolding sexual assault and focusing more on human behavior than being touchy-feely. I would suggest that read up on Haptic communication before making assertions.

    just sayin.

    Gotta go now.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adelaide View Post
    So I am having to do Title IX training for next year and something interesting that I never knew (because I never bothered doing this seminar before) is that consent is considered to be "FRIES": Freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific.

    title ( was a gift from O bung hole its a big deal now when often it should be handled by the police I actually thought that seemed like a good way to gauge it; informed and freely given implies that someone cannot be blackout drunk, for example.

    What are your thoughts?


    title 9 was a gift from O bung hole its a big deal now when often it should be handled by the police , I have had to deal with it many times .

    consent even when given if a person is under the influance of drugs or booze can still end up being a rape case. it can get very complicated read up big time and go by the book not what you think

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    Quote Originally Posted by bulletbob View Post
    title 9 was a gift from O bung hole its a big deal now when often it should be handled by the police , I have had to deal with it many times .

    consent even when given if a person is under the influance of drugs or booze can still end up being a rape case. it can get very complicated read up big time and go by the book not what you think
    Barack Obama was eleven years old when Title IX was passed.

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