I’ve been stalking Mathew Lieberman on line, looking at videos and interviews and such. Also, a commenter found this journal article. I suppose I ought to just read his book, but I find his style somewhat annoying, so I hesitate. Anyway, here is an NPR interview.
if I’m being rejected from a group, how do I need to change my behavior or what I say or think in order to not be excluded or rejected from that group? It teaches me lessons about how to behave differently in the future. And because we can imagine the future, we can also use that preemptively. We can feel social pain at the threat of being excluded from a relationship or a group.
I do think that this is a very powerful motivator. Go back to Adam Smith. People want to feel high self-regard. But your self-regard depends on how you are regarded by others. Ideally, your tribe wants to nurture and protect you, because they love you and admire you. Worst case, your tribe wants to shun and expel you.
Some thoughts on what I might call the “tribal membership motivator.”
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