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    Education For A Republican

    Irritus College has educated republicans for nearly one hundred years, our goal has always been the same, prepare our students with the skills and the experience to keep the corporate status quo solidly profitable and republican. We provide our students with the tools for success and wealth, and a set of ideas that answer all the questions life gives to 'our' people, 'our Americans.' The curriculum provides the very best ideas of republican ideas past and present and prepares the student to be the same republican of the past into the future. A sampling of our core courses is listed below.


    [Edited 09/03/13 This is an internal Irritus document and if revealed to the public will be denied and the messenger castigated by all the powers and means money can purchase and our media can make up.]


    Republican Philosophy 101: No more complicated questions about why we are here, we know why we are here to support corporations and to make money. Face it future republicans, elections cost money and money comes from one place: our friends and benefactors. A favorite topic of the course is 'What's Wrong With Altruism,' an exposition of Ayn Rand's self interest as the only purpose and happiness in life. Self-interest, each person’s pursuit of happiness without any concern for others, is a God given right and one that works best when valued above all else. Unimpeded individualism, unregulated corporate freedom, our philosophy.


    Deception Spin Propaganda 101: In this course the student will learn how information can be modified and changed regardless of content or truth. Examples include deficits. While primarily the result of republican policy, learn how deficits can be blamed on your opponent. Learn how Reagan's Phone policy became 'free stuff' from Obama, and how lies about welfare can be started and repeated even when other media sources refute them with facts. Heritage Foundation and other corporate supported think tanks worked with Irritus to refine our spin tactics. Study how Assault weapons changed meaning and use in a updated lecture meant for today's America.


    Words and Slogans 201: How about the new buzz word 'demographics,' great diversionary word and the excuse for any republican loss. Immigration is another great buzz word even with our immigrant past. Professor Sterculus PhD covers appropriate buzz words such as freedom, markets, constitution, redistributing wealth, entitlements, fiscally conservative, and other generalities. He also reviews dying phrases such as 'compassionate conservatism' and 'trickle down economics.' Words to avoid are covered: justice, truth, golden rule, fairness, reason, and religious. Euphemisms that serve as cover for republican failures are outlined, and their uses in stump speeches articulated. As Lee Atwater noted years ago we must change our dog whistle words and phrases so that meaning is so vague only our own dogs, in a matter of speaking, hear the whistle. Learn how to avoid references to 'food stamps' while meaning food stamps. 'Tricky' would be proud of how far we have come.


    Flag Pins and Symbols 101: How to wear your pins, wave your flag, and place your hand over your heart even if your money is in foreign banks, hidden away in the Cayman Islands, or your company outsourced American jobs to a sweat shop in China. See new Apple ad, they actually mention California in it. Great tactic. Placement of our flag on your status appealing foreign car is covered, and arguments about why you bought foreign are resolved and justly excused with Austrian economic theory.


    Regulatory Maneuvering 101: Learn how to use public funds and public land to support private companies and use America's resources for private gain all the while appearing patriotic and concerned about America's future. Loopholes in environmental concerns are covered and explanatory reasons for pollution detailed. Global warming is detailed clearly as a plot against the free market and against corporate success.


    Outsourcing 301: Learn how to use terminology that sounds meaningful but isn't related to the topic's underlying purpose. Corporations create their own reality, their own morality, our students are versed in 'it's not about you, it's about the corporation,' or 'the movement of work to China will help us continue the important work we do here at Colossal Corp Inc.' Colossal has hired high level people from AEI and Irritus students may find a suitable position there after graduation. Austrian economics provides the justificatory explanation. [Also check our Words and Slogans study courses]


    Filibustering / Obstructionism Advanced Lessons: In this course you'll learn how to ask irrelevant questions, raise slippery slope arguments, defend the status quo, and waste vast amounts of time so as to stop any regulation or imposition on K street's financial backers. Practice is provided introducing the same bills with alternate explanations on why they are solutions for America. Witness Paul Ryan's introduction of the same bill with new and important reasons for passage of the same bill. Former congresswoman Michele Bachmann gives a history lesson on why Obama is destroying America with that special reading of history only Michelle can provide.


    Gerrymandering 201: Irritus is proud of its obstructionist tactics when bills that do not support corporations or the wealthy are proposed in congress. It is essential the class of people who agree with our essential beliefs is aligned in such a way so that the largest number of our voting followers are placed together. How else could one get Ted Cruz, Sharon Angle, or that republican candidate who wasn't a witch. We've had some losses lately with too much honesty, but we are learning to stay away from rape, spaceships, aliens, conspiracies, and women's uteri, these complex topics show too clearly the lack of depth and insight of our aspiring leaders. Now that the republicans in the supreme court have struck down civil rights law, we can return to Jim Crow tactics, but remember this must be clearly justified because of the pretense that voter fraud is rampant.


    Government as Problem 102: Students from Joe McCarthy to Ted Cruz and Alan West have learned how to stir the pot of dissent against government. Reagan led the way, government interference in the working of corporations is covered and state's rights emphasized whenever federal law and regulation are unfavorable to our republican sponsors. It really doesn't matter that there are no longer communists except as business partners of Walmart in China, many of our rural republicans living in the remote cities in the mid west and south still believe. So mentioning 'the commies are coming' only helps. Use of socialist and socialism as covers for opposition to government is documented. This course covers the transitional change from 'love it or leave it' to the present use of government as problem. It helps to integrate notions of change with the fact nothing changes without republican and corporate approval.


    Liberal Media 101: In this course you will study the war on the GOP, on conservatives, and on free market libertarians. MSM will remain the source of complicated and honest reporting and thus will always be the easy foe. If information does not fit a republican narrative of freedom and growth it is by default wrong. Aside from FOX and numerous corporate supported conservative talk shows, any attempt by Media to clarify a complex issue that disagrees with corporate talking points must be labeled liberal bias and thus marginalized. Fox media includes the highest number of Irritus graduates with Heritage, Cato, and AEI as places where our best students find work.


    Free Market 101: This course covers any public attempt to control corporations. Positive outcomes are the working of the free market, negative outcomes the work of government. It is really that simple. Two credits are given for learning this mantra. Some of our students actually have it tattooed on their arm for quick reference.


    Budgets, Deficits and Healthcare 101: Christian and religious principles must be modified if we are to be profitable in business. if someone mentions racism it must be converted into a slogan rather than a reality. Wars are patriotic, Wars create deficits but they support the corporate complex of the defense industry and provide after college and after congress job opportunities. Let's keep that in mind and remind our libertarian brethren. Ryan's Budget attempts may hurt the lesser among us, but this could help incentivise them to work harder or even provide them placement in privately owned prison facilities, another one our many benefactors and a growth business in America.


    Tax Avoidance 101: This course is a hands-on tax consultant taught course. Students bring their savings and piggybanks to class and consultants through modeling examples show them where they can hide their capital from taxes and Uncle Sam. Later in the course money is deposited in foreign nations, places like the Cayman Islands, Dominican Republic, and Switzerland. This prepares our students for life as a established republican, a retired republican benefactor of other republicans, and a tax exempt partner in our school.


    Continued below.

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