Queen Bees

[Adelaide]

Why do other girls fall so quickly in line when a queen bee holds court? Why don’t our girls revolt and re-deploy themselves to a group that doesn’t engender such negativity? Queen bees prey on the feelings of ineptitude and awkwardness that are common to tweens and early adolescents. These girls seemed to be endowed with a natural narcissism that allows them to overcome or perhaps even disavow their own feelings of uncertainty. Queen bees rely on the insecurity of their charges. Perhaps it is the sense of order and structure these girls bring to the social circle that encourages their fellow peers to fall in line. These girls usually align closest with the peers whom they identify as the most vulnerable. This ensures that if another girl within the circle tries to stage a revolt or even an objection, the queen bee’s minions who are ready and willing to do as she directs, quickly quell her. It is the queen bee’s audacity that is probably her strongest trait. She understands that the majority of her peers do not possess the confidence or the callousness to treat others in the way she chooses.

In time however, the queen bee is usually eventually dethroned, or at minimum her power over others is deflated. Girls scorned by her often bind together to form other social circles that are more egalitarian and judicious. Those who stick with the queen bee demonstrate acceptance and understanding. It is not uncommon at older ages to hear friends defend her by insisting, “Yes, she can be mean, that’s just the way she is.” As girls become more mature and sure of themselves they have little need or tolerance for queen bees. Although she rarely loses all of her faithful servants, the majority of girls move on to engage in positive peer relationships. Interestingly while some queen bees outgrow their attitudes, many keep their stripes. They can easily be identified holding court among the other mothers or pitting co-workers against each other in their offices at work.

Understanding Why Queen Bees Are Able to Hold Court - Psychology Today

This is interesting and I think any female can think back to middle and high school and identify a "queen bee" and the process described of her being "dethroned".

My first year of high school a girl named Roxy had a close group of friends identifiable by their ugg boots and Abercrombie and pearls - they were considered the preppy cool kids. All of them were dancers. Everyone else in my grade tried to sort of copy them but at the same time hated them. Personally, I didn't give a crap because my social group was probably best described as "nonconformist" where it was "cool" to not do what everyone else was doing. It wasn't until I was 17 and two of her former friends were hanging out with my social group that I found out they had serious problems, like the article says, that possibly kept them trying to stay in the clique and stay "cool", (things like bulimia). When they got invited to one of my parties through a mutual friend they got high and spilled their guts while we drank tequila shots in the bathroom. They also revealed that they'd stopped communicating with Roxy (I asked) because she could be so mean and controlling. We stayed friends during senior year and I haven't spoken to either in a couple years - naturally drift away from high school friends.

But it's interesting that my own observations are explained in this article.