OR: WHY DOES A MAN COMMIT AN ACT OF RAPE?
Let me just start off by saying that I like to watch this show that comes on the Game Show Network late at night called Mind of a Man. I'm not normally a fan of game shows, but Mind of a Man has become an exception for me because of the subject it centers around. The structure is this: The network conducts a survey of a fair-sized group of men (100 is the standard) on a range of topics and then invites small groups of women to guess what the prevailing answers the men gave to the various inquiries were. Sometimes, for example, they'll be given three options and asked to list what they think the guy's answers were in the correct order. That sort of thing. They do this for prizes: the more answers you get right, the closer you are to a prize. You get the basic idea. I try to guess what I think the correct answers are as well. What I've learned from watching this show regularly is that I know very little about how men think because I do worse than the female guests: I get like 80% of the answers wrong. There's only one kind of category that I can guess the answers correctly on and it's not exactly the most surprising one if you know much about my background: men's sexual tastes. (For example, seriously, these women actually believe that Joe Average is more turned on by sexy text messages than by pole dancing. Men are visual creatures ladies!! Then again, I would know, given my broad enough survey.) But I guess I probably make for bad dating material because that's pretty well the sum total of what I know about your typical American male, evidently. And while I might be an unusually extreme case in that sense, when I see so many women getting most of the answers wrong too (though more 60% as contrasted with my 80% or so), it occurs to me that I'm far from alone in my lack of broad understanding. One of the things I believe that not many women understand or relate to is that of why anyone would commit an act of sexual violence. Like somewhere between 16 and 20% of the female population in this country, I've been on the receiving end of sexual violence before, all of it committed by men, yet admittedly cannot truly relate to the sentiment: to the motivation anyone would have for doing something like that. Although I have admittedly desired revenge, it cannot be said that I would ever actually touch someone sexually against their will. That's just not in me. Chalk it up to that list of things I haven't quite understood about men (who are overwhelmingly the party responsible for sexual violence).
This ongoing thread has included some discussion of what it is that leads to rape. It brought to mind a discussion hosted by the feminist activist Eve Ensler on that very subject that I'd watched online last year in the aftermath of the infamous Steubenville rape case (which I'm sure some of you may remember). The said discussion was particularly helpful to me because it was a diverse group of men seeking to explain, in their own views,
how this can happen and what
they believe can be done about it. Sorry ladies, but I wouldn't trust you to know about such a broadly male-specific matter much better than I do. The word of men on this subject is more authoritative, I feel, given that it comes from a different kind of life experience. And I feel that this kind of approach is vital. Addressing the topic of sexual violence cannot simply mean suppressing it. To truly end it or minimize it or whatever is actually possible, we need to get to the root of the problem (the '
why does this happen?') and dig that up. In that connection, I learned a lot from watching this dialogue and would highly recommend it to all who are serious about dissecting this topic. First check it out and see what you think. It's a couple hours long, so be sure you've got some time on your hands. (The first half or so is the panel of men discussing the matter amongst themselves, addressing a range of issues, and the second half or so then breaks into questions from the audience.)
So anyway, here are some of my observations and conclusions: First of all, notice that none of these guys thinks that sexual violence is natural. All believe it's a product of nurture rather than of nature. They discussed a lot of topics ranging from the role of sports to that of pornography, but the one that really strikes me as the most core and essential is simply the assignment of the concept of "masculinity". I have come to the conclusion that the concepts of "masculinity" and "femininity" are oppressive and purely social constructs should be done away with. We shouldn't view and define ourselves as "masculine" and "feminine" respectively like we're different species, but rather simply as human, I believe.
They're oppressive in that they prescribe special roles for people arbitrarily along gender lines. Central to the man's role within this framework is to be invincible. This means that you're not allowed to be too emotionally attached to anyone or to express most of your feelings. You all know how this is socially enforced. We've all seen it before, and I'm sure every one of you guys reading this has experienced it personally many times: When your behavior doesn't fit into the proverbial box, you get called a "$#@!" or a "$#@!" or something along those lines, and find yourself ostracized. Perhaps it's because you cried in public over something other than a grave physical injury. (Perhaps they were even tears of joy over something that moved you. Not allowed either.) Or perhaps it's because, heaven forbid, you were into so-called girly things like caregiving. Perhaps you liked the color pink. Or, as we've seen recently in professional baseball talk radio, maybe you so much as took a three-day paternity leave. Not allowed! Not if you want a lot of friends anyway. Come on now, man up. (I
hate that expression!) It's not natural for men to be like that. If it were natural then you wouldn't have to be taught. You wouldn't have to have your dad tell you not to cry and so forth. This kind of upbringing where you have to suppress most of your emotions, it is suggested in the above discussion, leads to pent up anger, which goes a long way toward explaining why it's mostly men who commit acts of violence in general. As to the sexual component of sexual violence, I believe that was adequately spoken to in the dialogue and need not be further elaborated by me.
What do you (especially the guys) think? Do I have anything here or am I way off?
The Gender, Sexuality, and Race Room
Originally Posted by Green Arrow
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