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Thread: Gaily New Zealand

  1. #321
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peter1469 View Post
    That is what I am talking about. Can't wait for the Hobbit. Although I am not sure how stretching it into 3 movies is going to turn out.
    Same here. Really wish you wouldn't call Awryly that though. Bilbo would take offense.

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    Quote Originally Posted by kathaariancode View Post
    Same here. Really wish you wouldn't call Awryly that though. Bilbo would take offense.
    There were disagreeable Hobbits in Tolkien's work.

  3. #323
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    Awryly's Avatar Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by kathaariancode View Post
    Same here. Really wish you wouldn't call Awryly that though. Bilbo would take offense.

    Bilbo? Is he the guy that discovered the Pacific?

    You know, the Portuguese explorer Lady Gaga has never heard of.




    Pick the one real person among that lot. An extra mark if you know what the Pacific is.
    Last edited by Awryly; 11-17-2012 at 11:19 PM.
    Come sit down beside me I said to myself
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  4. #324
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    There are half a million Kiwis who have moved to Australia.

    Australia systematically discriminates against them.
    http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/poli...sie-commission

    Which goes to prove the equation: When a Kiwi moves to Australia it raises the IQ in both countries.
    Come sit down beside me I said to myself
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  5. #325
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peter1469 View Post
    There were disagreeable Hobbits in Tolkien's work.

    You do know there are works more fantastic, more patriotic, and thus no doubt more appealing to American imaginations than Tolkien?

    Here is an example that will no doubt please you, as much for its political correctness Yankee style, as for the realism of CIA renditionism.

    JAHANNEM, OUTER DARKNESS—The hijackers who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon expressed confusion and surprise Monday to find themselves in the lowest plane of Na'ar, Islam's Hell.

    According to Hell sources, the 19 eternally damned terrorists have struggled to understand why they have been subjected to soul-withering, infernal torture ever since their Sept. 11 arrival.

    "I was told that these Americans were enemies of the one true religion, and that Heaven would be my reward for my noble sacrifice," said Alomari, moments before his jaw was sheared away by faceless homunculi. "But nowI am forced to suckle from the 16 poisoned leathern teats of Gophahmet, $#@! of Betrayal, until I burst from an unwholesome engorgement of curdled bile. This must be some sort of terrible mistake."

    "It might actually be the most painful thing we can do, to show these murderers the untold pleasures that would have awaited them in Paradise, if only they had lived pious lives," said Praxitas, Duke of Those Willingly Led Astray. "I mean, it's tough enough being forced through a wire screen by the callused palms of Halcorym and then having your entrails wound onto a stick and fed to the toothless, foul-breathed swine of Gehenna. But to endure that while watching the righteous drink from a river of wine? That can't be fun."

    Underworld officials said they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.
    "Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."
    I hope this will help to restore the self-esteem of Americans everywhere.

    MGM has asked us to make a movie about it.

    (With apologies to The Onion.)
    Last edited by Awryly; 11-17-2012 at 11:46 PM.
    Come sit down beside me I said to myself
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    I held my own hand as a small sign of trust
    And together I sat on the fence


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  6. #326
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    Quote Originally Posted by Awryly View Post
    You do know there are works more fantastic, more patriotic, and thus no doubt more appealing to American imaginations than Tolkien?

    Here is an example that will no doubt please you, as much for its political correctness Yankee style, as for the realism of CIA renditionism.



    I hope this will help to restore the self-esteem of Americans everywhere.

    MGM has asked us to make a movie about it.

    (With apologies to The Onion.)
    Looks like something the Onion wrote. It would get boring after the first page.

  7. #327
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    Quote Originally Posted by Awryly View Post
    Attachment 532This is the guy Hollywood and the US music industry wants the FBI to extradite from NZ to face what they believe are heinous crimes against their profits.

    He has a vast sense of humour. Which is a bit odd considering he is German.

    His latest trick is, as depicted in this photo, to show up at Parliament to sit in silent condemnation of the government minister he gave $50 grand to in order to help get him elected. Because the donation broke the electoral laws (Americans won't understand that because their Republican Supreme Court has decreed they have no laws), the minister in question has denied it ever happened. The minister in question was apparently warned and didn't show. Which makes one wonder what we pay him for.

    But the police, who have investigated it, say it did happen.

    It is keeping Kim Dotcom obviously, and the rest of us, in a state of vast amusement.

    Kim Dotcom has just announced on national TV that he will be suing the US government and Hollywood, no doubt for billions, and will use the proceeds to assist NZ by laying another Pacific broadband cable to the US and Aussie.

    So the US will get something back by being connected faster to civilisation.
    Come sit down beside me I said to myself
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    I held my own hand as a small sign of trust
    And together I sat on the fence


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  8. #328
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    Here is hope for blacks, browns, and brindles everywhere.

    A man who pointed a rifle at a policewoman in Katikati after telling her "we must eradicate all white people" has been jailed for four-and-half years.
    Hayden Flay, 20, of Waipa, appeared in Tauranga District Court yesterday after earlier pleading guilty to two charges of burglary and one each of unlawfully possessing a firearm and ammunition, presenting a firearm at a police officer and unlawfully taking a motor vehicle.
    But a few words of advice:

    If you have a gun in your hand, a white cop in your sights, and genocide on your mind.....best to pull the trigger.
    Come sit down beside me I said to myself
    And although it doesn't make sense
    I held my own hand as a small sign of trust
    And together I sat on the fence


    Anon. Very anon.

  9. #329
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    This is from a British commentator, so don't rubbish me for exaggerating.

    That task [crushing yet another wannabe] could hardly have been more emphatically discharged last night: while shielded from the Wuthering Heights weather by the Millennium Stadium roof, they subjected Wales to a 33-10 rout and rendered this gloomy autumn for northern-hemisphere rugby a little darker still.
    Fifty-nine years had elapsed since the last Welsh triumph over the All Blacks, a 13-8 victory at Cardiff Arms Park in December 1953, and such a scoreline never looked like being replicated here. New Zealand exerted supremacy with a blend of understated control and absolute ruthlessness when they espied the slightest chance of scoring. It was Wales’ misfortune to resemble callow apprentices by comparison. In front of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, they were on the wrong end of a right royal thrashing.
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/rug...-in-depth.html

    That came after earlier thrashings of Scotland, Italy, South Africa, Argentina, Ireland, and Australia. Ie, the rest of the rugby universe on which Americans appear as a faint blip on advanced radar.

    You're next, CG. (He's English. Loves Twickers. But needs to learn that excellence means that England has won against NZ in only 6 of 34 matches since 1905. The last time in 2003.)

    AIG, who are helping to sponsor these international massacres, along with Adidas, will be pleased. They will be able to create even more dodgy financial instruments while pleading dark South Pacific influence. But what do we care? Each of them are paying us $20 million a year.

    Of course we apologise to Their Highnesses, or whatever they're called. We call them Will and Kate. One day we make them into a soap opera.

    Been done, you say?
    Last edited by Awryly; 11-25-2012 at 01:04 AM.
    Come sit down beside me I said to myself
    And although it doesn't make sense
    I held my own hand as a small sign of trust
    And together I sat on the fence


    Anon. Very anon.

  10. #330
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    Gaily New Zealand? More like just plain 'GAY"

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