Originally Posted by
IMPress Polly
I realize this may be seen as going astray from the Geek Out Zone's basic purpose, but in the various venues of online nerd culture that I've frequented over the years, questions in the vein of "How do I talk to women?" have surfaced a number of different times, being as a particularly large swatch of geek culture is composed of introverted men who've had difficulty attracting a partner. Therefore, I figured this might actually be the most useful place to post advice of this sort. (Not that I'm attempting to suggest anything about particular PF members or what have you.)
The following is directed at the aforementioned demographic specifically and, within that, only applies to straight men, as I really don't know anything about what might work best in the way of attracting gay or bisexual men for obvious reasons. It's worth adding, before we start, that there is no formula for attracting women because, like you, we are, after all, all different. The following advice is simply a collection of general and very basic ideas that I think most women would agree with as helpful. In other words, following this advice does not guarantee anything, but it will probably help your chances of finding a partner if you're an introverted man seeking a female partner.
1) Practice basic hygiene. All you have to do to be considered presentable is shower, brush your teeth, wear deodorant, and comb your hair. It takes a lot more effort than that for women, so I think most women feel that the least you can do is the basics. Doing anything less than the aforementioned basics on a daily basis will hence be thought of an inconsiderate, lazy, and selfish, to say nothing of just plain gross. This really is a must.
2) Don't use pick-up lines, be yourself! Geek culture is infamous for the broad influence that neo-masculinist thinking has therein (e.g. Return of Kings, Gamergate, Niche Gamer, etc.). Don't listen to them. Only the most shallow women with the least self-respect respond to pick-up lines. For the vast majority of us, they're a major turn-off. Unless you want 'aggressive, arrogant, and lame' to be the first impression a prospective partner gets of you, you'll instead opt for a normal introduction like "Hi, my name is ___. What's yours?" or, if you want to be flattering without being disrespectful, maybe something like "Hey, you caught my eye. I'm ___. What's your name?".
3) Have more than one interest in life. Not many women are attracted to perpetually unemployed 30-somethings who live in their parents' basement where they spend 10+ hours a day playing video games and the rest of it eating or sleeping. Sorry. That makes you uninteresting and unsexy. My advice is to scale back whatever obsession you may have to more like two or three hours a day so you'll have time to look for the work that will get you a place of your own and something else to talk about.
4) Communicate! The data shows that men tend to both talk and listen considerably less than women do and that, I think, leaves a lot of women frustrated. Try to work on the art of both listening and talking more. I'm by no means a master of the art myself (I'm on the introverted side too!), but I find that practice does help. That's one of the reasons I like my job: it forces me to be more sociable than I'd naturally be. And when you do talk, don't always just talk about yourself. There's more than one person in the world who matters.
5) Work out and eat reasonably healthy. Yes, it's true: women are human. We do tend to consider the sexual possibilities involved in your appearance as a factor. However, I don't think most women consider your appearance a decisive factor in terms of whether they'll open to dating you (or whatever). I wouldn't. So don't get too discouraged if you're overweight or what have you. Just try and work on it.
6) Take no for an answer. Geek culture includes a lot of Nice Guys. Among feminists, the term Nice Guy means stalker. The association derives from experiences like turning down an offer only to get something like "But I'm a nice guy! Why do nice guys finish last?!" in reply, followed by more pursuit and/or public shaming as revenge. I suppose it's not a surprising mentality for those men who's primary venue of access to the world is pop culture, which mostly casts women as victory prizes for this or that "accomplishment", however major or minor, positive or negative, but in the real world, women have autonomy. Simply not being a jerk won't necessarily get you a date (or whatever it is you're looking for). If you're turned down, accept it and move on. Don't keep pursuing. Continuing to pursue after being rejected isn't romantic or sexy, it's scary. It means you don't respect her will and that's pretty basic. And yes, stalkers do indeed finish last, and not just with feminists.
Again, none of this guarantees anything. This is just general, very basic advice that I think will help your chances if you're struggling in this area.