Neverending tears...

[Refugee]

My Father died 17 years ago, Mum 24 years gone. Bethere is right, you never forget, but you do learn to accept it eventually as part of life. We that are left now take their place as fathers and mothers and one day our children will say the same about us.

If you believe you’ll see them again one day, it’s not a loss, just a brief parting. Childhood best friends, jobs, locations … nothing lasts and I think it’s best to look at life as an adventure, in which everyone goes their own way, meet up and leave, but all eventually end up at the finishing line to share their experiences and stories.

[resister]

My Father died 17 years ago, Mum 24 years gone. Bethere is right, you never forget, but you do learn to accept it eventually as part of life. We that are left now take their place as fathers and mothers and one day our children will say the same about us.

If you believe you’ll see them again one day, it’s not a loss, just a brief parting. Childhood best friends, jobs, locations … nothing lasts and I think it’s best to look at life as an adventure, in which everyone goes their own way, meet up and leave, but all eventually end up at the finishing line to share their experiences and stories.

I had a NDE that removed all doubt from my mind.

Being an atheist must be rough when dealing with death.

As a believer, my eyes are on the peak of Jordan.

I don't think.

I don't wonder.

I don't hope.

I KNOW!

[jimmyz]

Tomorrow it will be one year since my mom died. It's been a horrible year. Many times I thought about swallowing a whole bottle of sleeping pills. I actually did it one night. All it did was make me violently sick.
How do you fix something when some of the pieces are missing?

I'll never forget that morning. She had another series of heart attacks one after another. They said they destroyed the bottom part of her heart. There was no hope. So me and my sisters agreed to take her off her machines...to let her go. She was in an induced coma in the hopes her heart would rest and heal. So we all got around her bed and said our goodbyes and told her we love her and that's why we were letting her go. I'll never forget what happened next. She raised her hand up and grabbed mine as a single big tear rolled down her dimples. Even though she wasn't "awake" she heard us. And my poor daddy was standing there crying and screaming, "no, don't! Give her my heart! She needs it more than I do!" We stood there and watched until she took her last breath.
It was awful. I wouldn't wish that one anyone.
I still have moments when I'll reach for my phone to call her...then reality hits and I realize I can't ever call her again. I have some voicemails she left me. I listen to them once in a while just so I can hear her voice.

If you made it this far...thanks. I just had to get it all out.

My recently departed Dad comes to me in my dreams. Its him in different parts of his life with me. His clothing and hairstyle changes but its his voice that is just the way I remember it that comes through. I dont get the spook talk from the grave stuff telling me he is alright and the like. I just get real circumstance type dreams, even ones where he is yelling about something. I hope you have that experience if you haven't already. It helps me to wish him a good morning when I wake and good night before sleep, always. Helping my Mom get through things helps me stay in tune with my Dad too. Best wishes for you finding a level.

[Refugee]

I had a NDE that removed all doubt from my mind. Being an atheist must be rough when dealing with death. As a believer, my eyes are on the peak of Jordan. I don't think. I don't wonder. I don't hope. I KNOW!

I often have NDE’s when I read some of the forum posts on tPF
Seriously though, I think we’re here for a reason and the ups and downs (and how we deal with them), are part of that learning experience. I’ve never had a down where it didn’t seem like a disaster at the time, but I’m now able to look back and think, ‘I learned from that’.

The new-age emphasis on politicians as Gods and wealth as the be all and end all produce some of the unhappiest people you’ll ever meet and I think it’s what produces the recent epidemic of suicides, drug use and mental heath problems across the western world. That endless search for an alternative religion or belief - there’s no need to search, when you’re ready, Christ will find you.

Or, as I put it elsewhere:

http://www.theblogmire.com/guest-post-the-future-decline-of-christianity-and-the-consequences-by-john-v/


"The author has lived in your future. From the old USSR and the skull museums in the “Killing Fields” of Cambodia, to military coups and communism; from direct experience, the consequences of a utopic belief follows a familiar pattern. There is a feeling of emptiness, a lack of hope, in which individuals become relegated to objects, reduced to the lowest common denominator, based on group identity. The same narcissism and hedonism now prevails in western societies, as individuals reach out for help based on instant gratification, life experiences and expectations."

[silvereyes]

What a wonderful and close relationship you must of had with your mom and more the reason why you miss her. I know tomorrow will be hard but I hope you're able to spend it with your dad and siblings if not in person then by other means.

Maybe you could share a memory with us. Something you did when you were little that made your mom mad at the time but also made you both laugh about it together when you were older but only if you want to.

There are two true stories that my mom loved to tell people.
First one: we were at the Gladys Porter Zoo in Brownsville (Texas of course). I was about 4ish. I managed to get away from my parents and I went under the surrounding pipes that were designed to keep people away from the cages. SOOOO, anyhoo..I did just that. I saw some very colorful huge birds...it was a toucan. My little head got this bright idea to stick my hand through the chain link fence. Almost immediately this giant ptaradactyl size demon-beast with wings dropped down and gave us the mexicano evil eye. Then this gigantic monster saw my hand in his side of the enclosure. They had a tech come flying down to see what was wrong. That beast had clamped down on my fingers and would not let go. The "bird guy" had to go into the enclosure and pry the spawn of satan's beak off my finger and inner hand.
Up until she died I got some sort of toucan for Christmas. I'm going to miss those. It made her giggle.

[silvereyes]

Story #2: I was about the same age. My parents took us 30 miles away so we could use a pay phone. We saw that the theater thing was open. Daddy bought us Tix to the new movie that started that day...Peter Pan. In the scene where the syrens are trying to kill Wendy apparently I stood up in my seat and started yelling at the movie, "hurry Peter pan...save her Peter pan!"

My dad slid all the way down in his seat.
O.o

[silvereyes]

My recently departed Dad comes to me in my dreams. Its him in different parts of his life with me. His clothing and hairstyle changes but its his voice that is just the way I remember it that comes through. I dont get the spook talk from the grave stuff telling me he is alright and the like. I just get real circumstance type dreams, even ones where he is yelling about something. I hope you have that experience if you haven't already. It helps me to wish him a good morning when I wake and good night before sleep, always. Helping my Mom get through things helps me stay in tune with my Dad too. Best wishes for you finding a level.

Thx Jimmy. One thing that is eating me up with guilt is that she called me the day before her heart attack. I didn't want to talk to her at that moment so I didn't answer my phone. Her VM said that she had something wonderful to tell me....something that would permanently change my life for the better.
Now I'll never know.

[Fredy]

You'll never get over it, at least that's my experience. Instead, you'll find a way to celebrate her over time. For me, it was about doing the things we liked to do together.

My grandma made chicken and noodles from scratch every time we came up because bethere loved them. After her passing, I decided to learn how to do it from scratch. Any shortcuts just wouldn't do. As soon as I figured out how she probably made the noodles (after years of trial and error) I stumbled on her actual noodle recipe. She put it in a place (behind a beautiful picture in a horrible replaceable frame) where she knew I would someday find it.

I was pretty close. Now I have it cold.

But the therapeutic thing was figuring it out for myself.

You'll figure it out for yourself, too. You'll see. Cut yourself a break.

btw. The secret was that we ALWAYS had angel food cake for dinner when we had noodles. Can you guess why?

Egg whites shouldn't be wasted.

[HoneyBadger]

Mom died 17 months ago at home. We had a deal... we emailed back and forth every day and if I didn't hear from her for two days and couldn't get her on the phone, I'd call the police on the 3rd day and they'd use the key I stashed outside to enter the house. They did on Mother's day 2016. Her death was completely unexpected and I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't need to. She knew how I felt about her and I knew how she felt about me. The hardest part? Walking past a greeting card aisle. Mom sent cards for every occasion known to man. Any minor or major holiday that had a card, she'd send one and I would as well. Now, every time a holiday rolls around and there's no card in the mail box, it's a reminder.

[silvereyes]

Mom died 17 months ago at home. We had a deal... we emailed back and forth every day and if I didn't hear from her for two days and couldn't get her on the phone, I'd call the police on the 3rd day and they'd use the key I stashed outside to enter the house. They did on Mother's day 2016. Her death was completely unexpected and I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't need to. She knew how I felt about her and I knew how she felt about me. The hardest part? Walking past a greeting card aisle. Mom sent cards for every occasion known to man. Any minor or major holiday that had a card, she'd send one and I would as well. Now, every time a holiday rolls around and there's no card in the mail box, it's a reminder.

I wholeheartedly understand that. (((((Hugs)))))
My dad is in an alzheimers "home." I talked to him yesterday. He told me that he was so excited because my mom was finally coming to pick him up and take him home...back to their love nest. One time when I went to see him the girls told me was in his room laying down and wouldn't go eat with the group. That alarmed me because my dad loves being around people. I went down the hall to his little apartment. He was curled up on his bed laying on his side holding their wedding picture and was crying.
It undid me.