#MeToo made the scale of sexual abuse go viral

[Green Arrow]

Via Washington Post: #MeToo made the scale of sexual abuse go viral, but is it asking too much of survivors?

When Kelly Lisenbee checked Facebook on Sunday night, she saw the same message repeated by many of her friends: “If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote ‘Me too’ as a status, we might give men a sense of the magnitude of the problem. #MeToo”

Her, too: Lisenbee, 32, a surgical technician in Oklahoma City, was assaulted as a teenager. So she copied and pasted the message as her own status before going to bed. But at 2 a.m. she woke, unable to get back to sleep, she recalled later Monday. There was more to say.

“I didn’t know he was going to forcibly kiss me,” she wrote, in an updated post. “I didn’t know he was going to put his hand in my jeans. . . I didn’t know that after I pushed him away and told him no that he was going to tell all his buddies that it happened anyway.”

Stories like hers exploded across social media Sunday and Monday, among women galvanized by the abuse and harassment allegations involving Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein. On Twitter, the #MeToo hashtag had been tweeted nearly half a million times as of Monday afternoon; more than 600,000 people were talking about it on Facebook. Celebrities like Alyssa Milano and Rosario Dawson first helped to amplify the hashtag on Sunday afternoon, as thousands of women shared that they were victims of harassment and assault. Some contributed wrenching accounts of romantic overtures by bosses, catcalls from strangers and sexual assault. Others simply chose to write, “Me too,” offering no further details.

For Lisenbee, the online conversation was an epiphany. No one talked about these things when she was growing up in Broken Arrow, Okla., she said; now, the messages on Facebook had her thinking about a connection between her assault and her subsequent struggles with her weight.

“I’m just so glad that we’re talking about it,” she said in an interview. “I hope that it saves the next generation of women.”

But for other women, the #MeToo discussion is feeling all too familiar.

This is a touchy subject for anyone who has been a victim of sexual abuse. This new #MeToo hashtag has helped make the issue of sexual abuse a defining conversation in our current discourse, but like all things, there are some unintended consequences involved. It's a positive thing, but it might also be a little too much for some who suffered sexual abuse. I wonder if that was considered by Alyssa Milano and others who shared the tag.

[Mister D]

I think the biggest problem with this is the trivialization of sexual abuse. When I hear that term I don't think of unwanted sexual advances or "catcalls from strangers". I think of crimes that leave their victims devastated.

[Dr. Who]

I think the biggest problem with this is the trivialization of sexual abuse. When I hear that term I don't think of unwanted sexual advances or "catcalls from strangers". I think of crimes that leave their victims devastated.

It's a difficult issue that most men don't ever encounter. It was certainly more prevalent in the regular working world 20-30 years ago. Been there, done that and got the tee shirt, but there are some industries that seem to continue to be involved in sexual extortion.

The entertainment industry is not all that large and the bigger players can make or destroy a career. It's a gossipy industry. People can be blacklisted by powerful individuals. So as in the 20's, 30's, 40's and up until today, the casting couch is still an issue, mostly for women, but it also includes men. There are many who have had to endure far more than catcalls. Catcalls, sexual innuendo and the like is, to me annoying, but not traumatic unless it is a daily diet. If it becomes a daily issue, then anyone enduring that eventually feels like a rabbit surrounded by wolves, just waiting for something worse than verbal harassment to take place. It's easy to say, just walk away but it's a small industry and if you walk away, it may mean giving up a career in that industry. There was a time when people, in general, had a 'suck it up' attitude to this kind of predatory behavior, but not so much now.

[IMPress Polly]

Mister D wrote:
I think the biggest problem with this is the trivialization of sexual abuse. When I hear that term I don't think of unwanted sexual advances or "catcalls from strangers". I think of crimes that leave their victims devastated.

Says some $#@!ing male who it would never happen to!

I suppose it depends on how often you receive that kind of treatment. I used to like it. It was pretty much the only form of "positive" attention that I could get from guys. That's how deluded I was. That's how much self-esteem I had: that I actually enjoyed being made fun of because it was the most life-affirming kind of response I could get! That is how "$#@!s" are made.

Green Arrow wrote:
This is a touchy subject for anyone who has been a victim of sexual abuse. This new #MeToo hashtag has helped make the issue of sexual abuse a defining conversation in our current discourse, but like all things, there are some unintended consequences involved. It's a positive thing, but it might also be a little too much for some who suffered sexual abuse. I wonder if that was considered by Alyssa Milano and others who shared the tag.

Since you asked, here are my feelings:

I have been raped and beaten before. Lots of times. We all know this by now. If I write about a gender-related topic of less weight, then some people (such as Adelaide and yourself) respond by griping that I'm shallow and insisting that I talk about Real Issues like rape and beatings instead. You know how I love doing that all that time. Wouldn't bring up any bad memories for me. I am such a spoiled First World brat!

You know what happens when I do talk about these things, be it here or in-person? You might instinctively think that some sympathy might result. Nope! I get called a $#@! or told that I'm just lying for attention. So why bother? No one's going to listen. You know why? Because nobody cares, and that's the truth! I have been told that rape is natural and I should just "get over it" by multiple people (men) here before. Sometimes I want to improve the Internet a little and chainsaw some $#@!s' hands off so they can never type anything again!

You want proof that nobody cares? Look at who's president! You can proudly ADMIT to sexually assaulting women on video and still get elected (kinda sorta) to the most powerful office on Earth! And then he and his almost-equally-stupid trophy wife get on national television and proclaim that the women who accuse him of what he already admitted doing are too ugly to deserve rape. ...I want to rip their $#@!ing lungs out and stomp them into a million little pieces! People like that should be dismembered, not in White House! And then they ask me what percentage of his job as president I approve of. Oh let me think, I believe that would be NONE YOU $#@!ING SOULLESS SOCIOPATH!! He shouldn't even be there! The fact that he's allowed to be president is a crime! If I agreed with every policy that Trump advanced, I would still hate his guts and this is the single biggest reason why! But they ALWAYS get away with it, you know?! Seriously. When was the last time you ever heard of anyone serving more than six months for rape before? (I mean when actually did it, not just when they were black.) That is how much America cares. That is the truth!

Oh I'm such a "snowflake" for being so upset. Why complain? I only live with the psychological ramifications every day of my goddamn life, to say nothing of the physical ones that I prefer not to discuss. I get to relive those wonderful memories every day! But yeah, I'm just griping about nothing. I just hate men. I just want attention. I was too loose. I know. I am such a horrible person. I should just go shoot myself and get it over it. People really tell me that, by the way. You think that's funny? You think I've never thought of that before? Like on a pretty regular basis? That's how people treat me when I talk about these things. Especially on my Facebook feed. You know how much Facebook cares? But Mark Zuckerberg for president, YES!!

I'm sorry if this post is too unfiltered for you (anyone). It probably contains too much rambling and an unsettling amount of fantasizing about violence. But now you have just a small, small fraction of a taste of my everyday inner world now. It's so much fun being me! Life is totally worth it!

What I like about #MeToo is that they offer me what I really want: just some sympathy. A little teeny tiny little microscopic ounce of compassion. If I could get that by talking about rape and beatings more generally, then I would do so all day every day for the rest of my life. That's all I want. Just an ounce of sympathy from time to time.

I'm sorry, I can't finish this post. I have to cry.

[Mister D]

Says some $#@!ing male who it would never happen to!

I suppose it depends on how often you receive that kind of treatment. I used to like it. It was pretty much the only form of "positive" attention that I could get from guys. That's how deluded I was. That's how much self-esteem I had: that I actually enjoyed being made fun of because it was the most life-affirming kind of response I could get! That is how "$#@!s" are made.

Well, yeah, for most men unwanted sexual advances are quite rare and I know few heterosexual men who dread female attention. lol

[Mister D]

It's a difficult issue that most men don't ever encounter. It was certainly more prevalent in the regular working world 20-30 years ago. Been there, done that and got the tee shirt, but there are some industries that seem to continue to be involved in sexual extortion.

The entertainment industry is not all that large and the bigger players can make or destroy a career. It's a gossipy industry. People can be blacklisted by powerful individuals. So as in the 20's, 30's, 40's and up until today, the casting couch is still an issue, mostly for women, but it also includes men. There are many who have had to endure far more than catcalls. Catcalls, sexual innuendo and the like is, to me annoying, but not traumatic unless it is a daily diet. If it becomes a daily issue, then anyone enduring that eventually feels like a rabbit surrounded by wolves, just waiting for something worse than verbal harassment to take place. It's easy to say, just walk away but it's a small industry and if you walk away, it may mean giving up a career in that industry. There was a time when people, in general, had a 'suck it up' attitude to this kind of predatory behavior, but not so much now.

All well and good but that's not sexual abuse. If you care about this issue please stop trivializing it. You can make a tough, working girl feminist statement somewhere else. It's REALLY inappropriate in this context. Sorry, I'm old fashioned. For me, sexual abuse is a serious crime. Like as in prison time.

[Adelaide]

I have been raped and beaten before. Lots of times. We all know this by now. If I write about a gender-related topic of less weight, then some people (such as Adelaide and yourself) respond by griping that I'm shallow and insisting that I talk about Real Issues like rape and beatings instead. You know how I love doing that all that time. Wouldn't bring up any bad memories for me. I am such a spoiled First World brat!

Please try to find where I have done that. I have discussed our differences in approaching feminist issues but have never said your approach is somehow less important - I simply see basic safety and security as being a higher priority for me than many other issues.

[Adelaide]

I think the biggest problem with this is the trivialization of sexual abuse. When I hear that term I don't think of unwanted sexual advances or "catcalls from strangers". I think of crimes that leave their victims devastated.

I somewhat think the same thing, or thought it when I was on Facebook a couple days ago and everyone was doing the #Metoo thing. That said, it is somewhat encouraging to see women openly say they have experienced harassment or abuse/assault.

It did bother me on a personal level because my friends and family, by and large, have no clue about my own experience(s). I could not participate in the #Metoo thing because I never talked about my assault with friends and family. I felt pretty crappy about it. I do not think that the creator(s) of this movement really stopped to think about those that can't participate and who will feel like complete $#@! because of it.

[Mister D]

I somewhat think the same thing, or thought it when I was on Facebook a couple days ago and everyone was doing the #Metoo thing. That said, it is somewhat encouraging to see women openly say they have experienced harassment or abuse/assault.

It did bother me on a personal level because my friends and family, by and large, have no clue about my own experience(s). I could not participate in the #Metoo thing because I never talked about my assault with friends and family. I felt pretty crappy about it. I do not think that the creator(s) of this movement really stopped to think about those that can't participate and who will feel like complete $#@! because of it.

I definitely understand what you're saying but, for me, it is precisely this sort of trivialization that leads the gullible and the stupid to believe sexual abuse is something anything even close to to a majority of women experience. Sexual abuse entails a very serious crime. Let's treat it like that, gals.

[Adelaide]

I definitely understand what you're saying but, for me, it is precisely this sort of trivialization that leads the gullible and the stupid to believe sexual abuse is something anything even close to to a majority of women experience. Sexual abuse entails a very serious crime. Let's treat it like that, gals.

Ah - so you mean that by grouping harassment and abuse/assault together, it diminishes the seriousness of abuse/assault since almost every woman has experienced harassment? If that's what you mean, then I understand. As I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and every woman was basically putting it up, I was thinking, "No way - this is not statistically accurate/possible," and then found a news article that explained it was also about harassment. Made a lot more sense at that point.

But I can see why this kind of stuff could also make people think. Not many people openly talk to friends and family about sexual harassment or abuse/assault. Even if it were only for sexual harassment, I think it might be eye-opening to some men and possibly some women.