I posted this in the hopes it would help our forum liberals heal.
Trump relationship therapy: How self-help philosophy might help us get through the next four years
Like many Americans, I’ve spent the weeks since Nov. 8 trying to figure out where to begin in resisting a Trump presidency. I’m happy to report that I’m emerging from my state of semi-paralysis. And I’m thinking about cheese graters. Let me explain: Some years ago, my husband and I divorced. The short version: He slept with his intern.
The more painful version: Over the course of many months, he slowly revealed, through a series of oblique admissions, poorly executed lies, late nights out with his phone off and a less-than-covert phone conversation in the bathroom during a party we attended together, that he had and would continue to sleep with his intern. (Tip: smashing an expensive cell phone against a wall can be extremely gratifying.)
All the while, we went through the pretense of “working on things,” which consisted largely of a couples therapist explaining to my ex why the things he was doing were hurtful and my ex lying through each costly session.
When it came time to pack my belongings, I left most of the wedding gifts behind. But we happened to own two cheese graters, and neither held nostalgic associations. So I grabbed them both. My ex could not believe my selfishness. A nasty argument ensued. Soon, I was on the phone to a friend. “After everything he’s done, he wants to fight about cheese graters?” I practically screamed. “This isn’t about cheese graters,” my friend pointed out.
It took some time, but I eventually became better skilled in the art of non-engagement. So skilled, in fact, that by the time my ex emailed looking for forgiveness, I realized the best response was none at all.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I owe my more tempered perspective in no small part to self-help books. I’ve got an alcoholic sister, so lessons from Al-Anon have helped, too.
With every new Trump tweet storm, I become increasingly convinced that these tools provide useful guideposts for resisting our President-elect. We are in a deeply dysfunctional relationship with this man. And leaving isn’t an option.
We need strategies for dealing with his kind of crazy-making circularity, where proof and logic are not only irrelevant but disdained, where calls for respect and mercy are twisted and re-framed as aggression (see: “Hamilton”), where reflection is avoided at every turn. What kind of collective self-help can we apply to a Trump presidency? How can we, as a nation, stop enabling our President-elect’s clearly disordered behavior?
Some nascent thoughts:
The only (re)actions we can control are our own. Of course Trump’s election is prompting anxiety, depression, fear. But we choose these emotions, and, at least for those of us not under direct threat, we can choose others. When that proves prohibitively difficult, at least admit to yourself you are making a choice. You have that power.
Beware maneuvers. Trump tweeted a giant lie that millions of people illegally voted? Not a conversation-starter. The big news is that the margin in Michigan was .22 percent and a recount is happening. If you must discuss Trump’s tweets at all (and must you?), mention them after all substantive, fact-based reaction.
Focus on behaviors and their consequences. We could talk all day about what an unhinged bigot Trump is, but it will exhaust us without changing a thing. Instead, target reading, conversations, posts and thoughts to concrete actions and their real-life impacts, such as his plans to repeal Obamacare or pull out of the Paris climate agreement or gut public education.
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Originally Posted by exotix
