PDA

View Full Version : tPF How to Say “No”— Plain and Simple Lessons from a solo year at home



DGUtley
03-27-2021, 08:09 AM
How to Say “No”— Plain and Simple - Lessons from a solo year at home

36288


I have finally learned how to say “no.” I am 43. It’s taken now 25 years of my adult life to get comfortable with these two tiny letters. Why? Three reasons, the combination of which is the perfect storm for someone like me: (1) I am a people-pleaser; (2) humans are really needy and demanding, even more-so now that they are trapped at home; and (3) we live in a “say yes to life” culture. But, of all the things that the pandemic has taught me, this is probably the most powerful one: “No” is the new “yes.” Let’s break it down:

One, I am a people-pleaser. Maybe you are, too. (Thanks, Anne C. Frazier for your work and writing on people-pleasing. It has been truly helpful.) For many years of my life, if you said the sky was green, I would say, “You know, it does look a little green today.” I would find the green. I would find some speck or ray or shadow of the clearly blue sky and call it green. Hunter. Lime. Olive. Fern. Pick a shade. There must be some green in there. I made it my mission — in a nanosecond — to find the green.

Two, people are really needy and demanding. Say what you want about humanity, but everyone is out to get what they want. There is often no malice to the action (sometimes, in fact, there is), but people look to others for validation, love, and acceptance. We’re hard-wired for it. It’s just in our DNA. It’s even in our founding Declaration as a nation. We’re 328 million people constantly pursuing happiness.

36289

36290

36291

36292


Read the rest here: https://juliovincent.medium.com/how-to-say-no-plain-and-simple-de2073b52f8

FindersKeepers
03-27-2021, 08:28 AM
I'm the master of...

"I would, but..."
"That sounds great, but..."
"Here's a better idea--you do it."
"I need to see what my husband thinks first." (This one is a blatant lie but works like a charm.)
"I'll get back to you on that..."

carolina73
03-27-2021, 08:39 AM
Qualifying a "No" usually results in the other party trying to talk you out of it.
"Why" means let's discuss it not "no".

DGUtley
03-27-2021, 08:40 AM
No. That is the quickest and simplest response.

countryboy
03-27-2021, 08:43 AM
I'm the master of...

"I would, but..."
"That sounds great, but..."
"Here's a better idea--you do it."
"I need to see what my husband thinks first." (This one is a blatant lie but works like a charm.)
"I'll get back to you on that..."

Hahaha, I use the "I need to see what my wife thinks" strategy often. Sometimes it's even the truth.

Peter1469
03-27-2021, 09:12 AM
Being able to use no is needed for litigators and lawyers in general.

DGUtley
03-27-2021, 09:13 AM
Being able to us no is need for litigators and lawyers in general.

The youngsters struggle with it. The think it is mean or something. We really have to push them to say "no".

Peter1469
03-27-2021, 09:19 AM
The youngsters struggle with it. The think it is mean or something. We really have to push them to say "no".

I was like that for a while. Then dealing with trade secrets and classified stuff I had to get good at it fast.