PDA

View Full Version : Against His Will: The Reality of Male Rape



Green Arrow
03-31-2014, 09:38 AM
via CNN (http://www.cnn.com/2013/10/09/living/chris-brown-female-on-male-rape/):


(CNN) -- "Go back to sleep."

Groggy from a night of drinking, that's precisely what James Landrith did.


The next morning, Landrith -- who was 19 at the time -- woke up in a bed that he quickly realized was not his own. As his haze lifted, he recognized the woman who ordered him to sleep the night before as a friend of a friend.


He remembered she asked for a ride home after their mutual friend left the nightclub where they'd been partying. He remembered the woman was pregnant and bought him drinks as a thank you.


He remembered feeling disoriented, and her suggesting a motel room to sleep it off. He even remembered lying down with his pants on, uncomfortable taking them off in front of a stranger, only to awaken later and find the woman straddling him. What he didn't remember was saying "yes."


The morning after, that familiar voice told him that he could hurt the baby if he put up a fight. Then, he says, she forced herself on him again. A few minutes later it was over. One night in a motel twin bed turned into years of self-examination.


It took some time, and the help of a therapist, to get there: "I was finally able to call it what it was," he says.

Landrith had been raped.

...

"I want people to understand that it's not about how physically strong you are," he says. "We [men] are conditioned to believe that we cannot be victimized in such a way."


According to a 2010 report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nearly 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men in the United States have been raped. The actual number is likely higher, experts say, as incidents of sexual violence are severely underreported in the United States -- particularly among male victims.


Experts say any sexual assault victim requires extensive emotional and psychological healing after the incident, but male survivors have a harder time putting words to what happened.


In 2012, the FBI's Uniform Crime Report made a significant stride by redefining rape as: "The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim."
The prior definition -- "the carnal knowledge of a female, forcibly and against her will" -- hadn't been changed since 1927, and sexual assault awareness groups say it alienated victims that didn't fit the mold.

Probably the best point the article makes is the next two paragraphs:


"Often, male survivors may be less likely to identify what happened to them as abuse or assault because of the general notion that men always want sex," says Jennifer Marsh, the vice president for Victim Services at RAINN, an anti-sexual violence organization.

"Males have the added burden of facing a society that doesn't believe rape can happen to them ... at all," says psychotherapist Elizabeth Donovan.


She says gender roles dictate that males are expected to be strong and self-reliant -- men are viewed as those who seek sexual conquests instead of those who "fend them off."

Yet another reason why strict gender roles are damaging society. As the video I posted last night said further, our society conditions men to think that sex is great and you're supposed to love it. After all, how could you not enjoy it, if you got an erection? You didn't say no...but did you ever say yes?

The problem is further exacerbated for men who were raped by a woman. The fact that admitting to such a thing would cause relentless humiliation by society to begin with is problem enough. Rather than admit to being raped, a male victim of rape will often keep the rape to themselves for fear of humiliation and verbal (sometimes even physical) abuse. They even get mocked by some women. We have created a culture that forces victims of rape, from both genders, but particularly men, to keep it quiet and not do anything about it. Or, worse, to bottle up the feelings and pretend that it was an enjoyable experience.

There is even a category of porn that is nothing but simulated rape, where the woman comes out of it enjoying it in the end and being sooo glad that she was raped by the hunk with the big dick. That's not reality, but it certainly does a hell of a lot to twist our reality.

Organizations like RAINN (http://www.rainn.org/) - Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network - make it their mission to change American rape culture for the better, so that victims can get the help and understanding they need to overcome what happened to them and hopefully prevent others from becoming victims. They also keep relevant statistics on the topic, but of course, it always has to be remembered that no statistic is fully accurate and captures the full scope of rape in America, because so many men (and women) are afraid to speak up and admit to being raped.

Newpublius
03-31-2014, 11:04 AM
I am genuinely curious about this by the way.

Under the circumstances described how does male anatomy continue to function?

and yes, under the circumstances, he was victimized.

Green Arrow
03-31-2014, 11:04 AM
I am genuinely curious about this by the way.

Under the circumstances described how does male anatomy continue to function?

How do you mean?

Newpublius
03-31-2014, 11:07 AM
How do you mean?

l'm not trying to reduce the thread to its lowest common denominator by any means, euphemistically above I was referring to his relative state of drug induced intoxication and to blunt, how was his body physically able to maintain an erection in this state of semi consciousness he's describing?

obviously males can be violated in other ways, but it sounds like she was having intercourse with him.

Paperback Writer
03-31-2014, 11:16 AM
I have a hard time with this story as well. I'd rather discuss the topic, first, without moral ambiguity. Where was the "no"? He says he never said "yes" but I've never said "yes" to sex in my life. You kiss and then you proceed. If she's not ready she'll tell you and it stops.

There are clear cut cases of rape, but I have a hard time with this particular story of rape. It feels like they both made errors in judgment. I wouldn't go to bed with a female that I didn't intend to sleep with.

Green Arrow
03-31-2014, 11:18 AM
l'm not trying to reduce the thread to its lowest common denominator by any means, euphemistically above I was referring to his relative state of drug induced intoxication and to blunt, how was his body physically able to maintain an erection in this state of semi consciousness he's describing?

obviously males can be violated in other ways, but it sounds like she was having intercourse with him.

From what I gathered, she spiked his drink. I may be misreading the story, though.

Newpublius
03-31-2014, 01:20 PM
From what I gathered, she spiked his drink. I may be misreading the story, though.

That was my understanding as well. But in that drug induced state of semi consciousness, his penis can still be in a state of arousal. Obviously the other way around, being perpetrated against a female, a rapist may not really care and certain lubricants could theoretically be used notwithstanding the lack of female arousal, but in the case of the male, that lack of arousal would seem to preclude the act itself.

Green Arrow
03-31-2014, 01:22 PM
That was my understanding as well. But in that drug induced state of semi consciousness, his penis can still be in a state of arousal. Obviously the other way around, being perpetrated against a female, a rapist may not really care and certain lubricants could theoretically be used notwithstanding the lack of female arousal, but in the case of the male, that lack of arousal would seem to preclude the act itself.

That's assuming there would be a lack of arousal, which is an assumption we can't really make, considering you can get an erection without being aroused.

Newpublius
03-31-2014, 01:23 PM
I have a hard time with this story as well. I'd rather discuss the topic, first, without moral ambiguity. Where was the "no"? He says he never said "yes" but I've never said "yes" to sex in my life. You kiss and then you proceed. If she's not ready she'll tell you and it stops.

There are clear cut cases of rape, but I have a hard time with this particular story of rape. It feels like they both made errors in judgment. I wouldn't go to bed with a female that I didn't intend to sleep with.

Essentially the story is out of the ordinary. A pregnant woman spikes his drink for purposes of raping him. I've never heard that particular fact pattern before, and for me it would naturally strain credulity, but the fact is those are the facts presented. Obviously if one tweaks the facts, then one tweaks the legal result and in a court of law the 'weight' of evidence is another matter altogether, but we can still consider the fact pattern as true and GIVEN truth those facts do add up to a sexual assault.

Paperback Writer
03-31-2014, 01:30 PM
Where did he say "no"? Must we always before engaging in sex as our partner a full query of: Do you want to have sex with me right now? To receive the "yes" requisite for intercourse?

I saw this as two people, one drunk, leaving for the night and sex happening that he regretted later. His question was, where did he say "yes". I'd like to know when he said "no".

Green Arrow
03-31-2014, 01:32 PM
Where did he say "no"? Must we always before engaging in sex as our partner a full query of: Do you want to have sex with me right now? To receive the "yes" requisite for intercourse?

I saw this as two people, one drunk, leaving for the night and sex happening that he regretted later. His question was, where did he say "yes". I'd like to know when he said "no".

The story was used as a segue to the more important discussion of male rape and statistics later in the article. It may not have been the most clear-cut story to use, like mine or yours, but the story isn't really the point here.

Paperback Writer
03-31-2014, 01:34 PM
The story was used as a segue to the more important discussion of male rape and statistics later in the article. It may not have been the most clear-cut story to use, like mine or yours, but the story isn't really the point here.

I agree, but I do think that part of overcoming stigma and bringing the subject up is to use more clear-cut examples. I am a victim of sexual assault and I was thinking as I read it, why did you say "yes" to the hotel? Where is the allegation of rohypnol? Where it the "no"?

Green Arrow
03-31-2014, 01:43 PM
I agree, but I do think that part of overcoming stigma and bringing the subject up is to use more clear-cut examples. I am a victim of sexual assault and I was thinking as I read it, why did you say "yes" to the hotel? Where is the allegation of rohypnol? Where it the "no"?

That's why I edited in the link to RAINN at the end. Better stories and statistics, plus it's the actual advocacy group.

The Sage of Main Street
03-31-2014, 04:27 PM
It may not have been the most clear-cut story to use, like mine or yours, but the story isn't really the point here.

There is no point here, except finger-pointing by people who couldn't take the hard facts of reality. But I better get out before I get Ravied.

Adelaide
03-31-2014, 08:05 PM
That was my understanding as well. But in that drug induced state of semi consciousness, his penis can still be in a state of arousal. Obviously the other way around, being perpetrated against a female, a rapist may not really care and certain lubricants could theoretically be used notwithstanding the lack of female arousal, but in the case of the male, that lack of arousal would seem to preclude the act itself.

You might be surprised at how many women get involuntarily aroused and even have orgasms when they're raped. It's one of the things that contribute to the shame and guilt that survivors experience. Your body does one thing when your mind is thinking something totally different. I do not have male equipment, so to speak, but I would assume the same applies.

Adelaide
03-31-2014, 08:09 PM
The story was used as a segue to the more important discussion of male rape and statistics later in the article. It may not have been the most clear-cut story to use, like mine or yours, but the story isn't really the point here.

I don't think many cases of rape are completely clear-cut. But legally speaking even the clear-cut cases rarely result in action so the murky cases hold no weight legally. The big thing is having resources for survivors, centres for abuse (molestation, rape, domestic violence) are essential and in the US states are rapidly defunding those types of resources. It's a travesty.

Green Arrow
03-31-2014, 08:15 PM
I don't think many cases of rape are completely clear-cut. But legally speaking even the clear-cut cases rarely result in action so the murky cases hold no weight legally. The big thing is having resources for survivors, centres for abuse (molestation, rape, domestic violence) are essential and in the US states are rapidly defunding those types of resources. It's a travesty.

Yeah, if you look up travesty in the dictionary, the definition says "see American culture, American justice, and American government."

One of the reasons I turned to anarchism is because I personally experienced the utter failure that is American government and justice. It's quite sad.

Adelaide
03-31-2014, 08:22 PM
Yeah, if you look up travesty in the dictionary, the definition says "see American culture, American justice, and American government."

One of the reasons I turned to anarchism is because I personally experienced the utter failure that is American government and justice. It's quite sad.

I waited until I was legally an adult to speak to the police. It was more for closure than anything - I knew when it first happened and I knew when I spoke to the police that nothing would come from it or I would be put through complete hell. I filed an informal report, so if the guy offends again I could be called to testify. I've never been called by the police so I assume he's either mastered the art or somehow become a person who doesn't take pleasure in hurting other people.

It's a sad reality that hardly any rapists face any jail time or convictions.

6512

That's from RAINN.

Green Arrow
03-31-2014, 08:28 PM
I waited until I was legally an adult to speak to the police. It was more for closure than anything - I knew when it first happened and I knew when I spoke to the police that nothing would come from it or I would be put through complete hell. I filed an informal report, so if the guy offends again I could be called to testify. I've never been called by the police so I assume he's either mastered the art or somehow become a person who doesn't take pleasure in hurting other people.

It's a sad reality that hardly any rapists face any jail time or convictions.

6512

That's from RAINN.

I told my parents that he physically abused me, but I never told them about the rape. Years later, I saw him at a Christian concert. That was terrifying as fuck, and I almost had an anxiety attack.

But then the weirdest fucking thing happened. The minute he saw me, he dropped to his knees and started legit sobbing, apologizing over and over and begging for my forgiveness. It was strange as hell. He was nothing like the abusive "friend" he was the last time I had seen him.

Adelaide
03-31-2014, 08:46 PM
I told my parents that he physically abused me, but I never told them about the rape. Years later, I saw him at a Christian concert. That was terrifying as fuck, and I almost had an anxiety attack.

But then the weirdest fucking thing happened. The minute he saw me, he dropped to his knees and started legit sobbing, apologizing over and over and begging for my forgiveness. It was strange as hell. He was nothing like the abusive "friend" he was the last time I had seen him.

It is terrifying if you have to see the person again. I had just turned 14 and he was in his early 20s, and years later when I was going through my drug/party phase, my older brother brought some of his friends and their friends to a rave I was having and he came. After that I told my brother to fuck off and find his own parties. If I hadn't been really high I probably would have done something.

It's interesting that your abuser apologized. I think hell would freeze over before mine would even feel even slightly bad.

Green Arrow
03-31-2014, 10:13 PM
It is terrifying if you have to see the person again. I had just turned 14 and he was in his early 20s, and years later when I was going through my drug/party phase, my older brother brought some of his friends and their friends to a rave I was having and he came. After that I told my brother to fuck off and find his own parties. If I hadn't been really high I probably would have done something.

It's interesting that your abuser apologized. I think hell would freeze over before mine would even feel even slightly bad.

He got religion and apparently his pastor therapist got him to realize that he victimized me because his mom victimized him or something. I don't know, I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention, I was too busy having an anxiety attack and looking for a way to escape.