View Full Version : Why The Bears Suck
Conley
08-20-2012, 10:41 PM
These are pretty funny for some teams:
1. Lovie. Lovie Smith belongs on the bizarro Mount Rushmore of active NFL head coaches (Reid, Turner, Lewis) who are seemingly impervious to unemployment despite their best efforts to fuck their own team in the ass on a regular basis. Part of me would like to see the NFL give each team five timeouts per half just so I could see how Lovie wastes them. No one is better at taking a timeout to figure out whether or not he wants to throw a challenge flag on a four-yard completion than Lovie Smith.
I root for a team that has a rich history of terrible coaching, and yet whenever they play the Bears, I still take solace in the fact that, at least once a game, Lovie Smith will offer the Vikings an undeserved chance to seize victory (Leslie Frazier usually takes that opportunity and immediately reciprocates). The Bears could start an Avenger at every position on defense and Lovie Smith would still find a way not to win a championship. Remember, Lovie Smith once challenged a Marty Booker incompletion that already came with a pass interference flag attached to it. I swear that happened. Lovie Smith is fucking horrible. And he's virtually unkillable! Thirty years from now, he'll still be coaching this team, consulting into his mouthpiece with a red flag gripped firmly in his hand.
2. Cutlerfucker. Remember, he's not actually a human being. He's a housecat in disguise. Jay Cutler makes McKayla Maroney look enthusiastic. His joylessness actually shows up on meteorological charts. You'll notice that no one has ever said of Jay Cutler: "Oh, he's a great guy once you get to know him. He's not sulky like that in real life!" Cutler is the rare public figure whose true identity perfectly matches his perceived identity: pouty, mopey, indifferent, shitty. He leads this team with all the excitement of an eighth grader stuck in study hall.
http://deadspin.com/5935713/why-your-team-sucks-2012-chicago-bears
Captain Obvious
08-20-2012, 10:54 PM
Cuntler torched the Steelers a year or two ago.
Funny, we have the leagues top pass D and we tend to get smoked by these nudnicks.
Carygrant
08-21-2012, 01:38 AM
Who does Steiff play for ?
That's one name that could make someone big money .
Captain Obvious
08-21-2012, 04:51 PM
Great porn star stage name - Dick Steiff.
Don't worry Lovey will afterward just be all about his Special Sauce and Cheese on Sesame Seed Bun. After the win against the Redskins the other day. This Blind mofo said he thought Da bears Finished Strong. Thats after giving up a 17 pt lead.
Plus now they had to Sign some saftey to a 1 year deal on losing one already. Sure hope it wasn't that Rookie safety from last year.
Conley
08-21-2012, 06:40 PM
At least Loves has a winning record.
Check this chit:
San Diego Chargers: Norv Turner is 111-117, the NFL's only active head coach who has coached at least 10 seasons and has a losing career record. What does this man have on Bolts' team ownership that he is still employed?
In 2010, the Chargers performed the seemingly impossible feat of finishing first in offense, first in defense, and missing the playoffs. In 2011, a year when offense ruled Green Bay and New England, with the league's two worst defenses, finished with the conferences' best records -- the Chargers were sixth in offense, had a spectacular 49 percent third-down conversion rate, yet again missed the playoffs. How does Turner manage to keep this team out of the postseason?
http://espn.go.com/espn/playbook/story/_/id/8284182/tmq-presents-afc-preview-healthy-dose-favorite-batman-memories
Chargers can take a dump as far as I care :angry:
Shhhhh.....dont be showing any future prospects for Da Bears Coaching Staff, plus we already had his brother Ron here as a Offensive Coordinator, and ya seen how well that worked out! :slap2:
Conley
08-21-2012, 06:50 PM
Shhhhh.....dont be showing any future prospects for Da Bears Coaching Staff, plus we already had his brother Ron here as a Offensive Coordinator, and ya seen how well that worked out! :slap2:
:laugh: Ron might be better than Norv...and actually Norv might not be a bad OC, but dizzang does he stink as an HC
Goldie Locks
08-21-2012, 07:01 PM
These are pretty funny for some teams:
1. Lovie. Lovie Smith belongs on the bizarro Mount Rushmore of active NFL head coaches (Reid, Turner, Lewis) who are seemingly impervious to unemployment despite their best efforts to fuck their own team in the ass on a regular basis. Part of me would like to see the NFL give each team five timeouts per half just so I could see how Lovie wastes them. No one is better at taking a timeout to figure out whether or not he wants to throw a challenge flag on a four-yard completion than Lovie Smith.
I root for a team that has a rich history of terrible coaching, and yet whenever they play the Bears, I still take solace in the fact that, at least once a game, Lovie Smith will offer the Vikings an undeserved chance to seize victory (Leslie Frazier usually takes that opportunity and immediately reciprocates). The Bears could start an Avenger at every position on defense and Lovie Smith would still find a way not to win a championship. Remember, Lovie Smith once challenged a Marty Booker incompletion that already came with a pass interference flag attached to it. I swear that happened. Lovie Smith is fucking horrible. And he's virtually unkillable! Thirty years from now, he'll still be coaching this team, consulting into his mouthpiece with a red flag gripped firmly in his hand.
2. Cutlerfucker. Remember, he's not actually a human being. He's a housecat in disguise. Jay Cutler makes McKayla Maroney look enthusiastic. His joylessness actually shows up on meteorological charts. You'll notice that no one has ever said of Jay Cutler: "Oh, he's a great guy once you get to know him. He's not sulky like that in real life!" Cutler is the rare public figure whose true identity perfectly matches his perceived identity: pouty, mopey, indifferent, shitty. He leads this team with all the excitement of an eighth grader stuck in study hall.
http://deadspin.com/5935713/why-your-team-sucks-2012-chicago-bears
Fuck off Conley...I mean it now...;)
If Cutler gets injured.....Da Bears are in serious Trouble. Moreover Cutler still can't read the blitz after over 4 years in the league. He's a straight up douche that needs his Crutches Bennett who was with him in College and Marshall who was his go to guy at Denver. Until they got rid of Marshall.
He went 7-13 for a Preseason game and considering most of his passes were in the short range area what does that tell ya. But lovey as usual was happy with that. Considered it one of Jay's Best Performances.
Myself I thougth Jays Best Performance was when he went into this club here in the City and was walking down some stairs with his girlfriend and then he tripped and fell to the bottom of the stairs. Course he got up playing like he was cool and didnt get hurt.
What we got here in Chicago.....is Jay's Potato Chips. :angry: Thas RIGHT.....NOT Pringles, U knows where they Stack-UP! :rofl:
Conley
08-21-2012, 07:20 PM
Fuck off Conley...I mean it now...;)
:laugh: Hey I didn't write it
Conley
08-21-2012, 07:21 PM
If Cutler gets injured.....Da Bears are in serious Trouble. Moreover Cutler still can't read the blitz after over 4 years in the league. He's a straight up douche that needs his Crutches Bennett who was with him in College and Marshall who was his go to guy at Denver. Until they got rid of Marshall.
He went 7-13 for a Preseason game and considering most of his passes were in the short range area what does that tell ya. But lovey as usual was happy with that. Considered it one of Jay's Best Performances.
Myself I thougth Jays Best Performance was when he went into this club here in the City and was walking down some stairs with his girlfriend and then he tripped and fell to the bottom of the stairs. Course he got up playing like he was cool and didnt get hurt.
What we got here in Chicago.....is Jay's Potato Chips. :angry: Thas RIGHT.....NOT Pringles, U knows where they Stack-UP! :rofl:
That's a good point...with the hits he takes just a matter of time til he gets knocked out again, just like last year
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