Bad fiction writers club

[webrockk]

Inspired by this; http://bulwer-lytton.com/ , myself and a member of another forum began a thread to draw out the bad writer that exists in all of us, and it's hilariously fun and addictive.

This is not a contest and there will be no judges or winners but there needs to be a few basic rules:

Entries must consist of one sentence. If necessary, the sentence may be extended with colons, semicolons and ellipses.

Any genre is acceptable (keep it clean, though...no explicit raunchiness)

Entries may be of any length, but shorter is much better....50 to 100 words is a good rule of thumb.

Entries may be drawn from any point in your "story", but try to focus more on the opening "hook" of your hypothetical novel.

It's more fun if you approach the challenge as a serious author who doesn't know they're terrible....some of us won't know the difference. ;)

To start the ball rolling, I will lead off with a few of my entries from the other forum.

Have fun!

[webrockk]

The English language had yet to coin a word that properly describes the warm rancid soup of anticipation, fear and dread that coursed through me as I reached for the door knob at the top of the stairs, but this indescribable bouillabaisse of emotion was not even in the same zip code with the unmerciful rage I would unleash on my daughter's kidnappers.

[webrockk]

Whether it was the relief of putting the complicated hit behind him or the chilly November night that teased out the long absent jauntiness in his step, Salvator "Slits" DiCarlo appeared genuinely happy to be back in the city, back in the old crew's good graces, and back in the game.

[webrockk]

Even from the hall, the overpowering stench told me the dingy caramel glow in his office would be from a ten thousand cigarette layer of nicotine baked on a naked bulb hanging from a frayed wire in the center of a likely cracked and water stained ceiling, but I was broke, he was cheap, and I had to find her.

[webrockk]

It wasn't just the flawless proportions of her raven hair framed face that found him staring at her crumpled old mugshot too many times to be innocently explained to his inquisitive, often intrusive new wife, it was the story told by her eyes; their story... a story James Asher Quinn knew all too well but could never reveal.

[webrockk]

The bitter cold clawed at her exposed skin as she desperately searched for any memory, for any clue, but there was no explanation for how she, a beautiful and pampered socialite from a swanky enclave on the outskirts of La Jolla, California, could find herself in the Appalachian Mountains, in January, alone and woefully underdressed for the climate...but Charity Ross-Bingington was not always pampered.

[webrockk]

The large unkempt fern, a "Welcome to the Beach" gift from the friendly, now long evacuated family next door, let go of another flurry of crispy leaves as its colorful, macrame trussed ceramic container ominously bumped and swayed from its rusty hook in the rapidly freshening breeze; was this really the best of ideas, she thought... second, maybe third, maybe fourth guessing her spontaneous decision to ride out what was shaping up to be a storm destined for the history books.

[webrockk]

Gypsy

[Gypsy]

@Gypsy (http://thepoliticalforums.com/member.php?u=1803)

Are you saying I'm a bad writer? lol ;) I'll jump in later, not having a good day. :(
It's good to see you participating!

[webrockk]

Are you saying I'm a bad writer? lol ;) I'll jump in later, not having a good day. :(
It's good to see you participating!
No, no...I'm inviting you to play! I'm sorry you're having a rough day. :(

[webrockk]

The experienced captain slammed the 55' Hatteras in reverse just as the magnificent monster exploded from the whitecapping waves with a glistening gloriousness that could only be truly accomplished by one of the most ferocious fighters in the sportfishing world; the Black Marlin.

[webrockk]

It wasn't his attire that betrayed his recent attainment of wealth, no, he was clad and shorn in the finest of wools, silks and leather... it was the odor that preceded his actual form in the door...the cheap cloying musky assault on the senses I feared might bring an amorous moose crashing through the massive leaded glass window.

[Gypsy]

No, no...I'm inviting you to play! I'm sorry you're having a rough day. :(

Thank you, sweetie! :)

[Dr. Who]

A familiar tak tak tak sounded in the distance of the dank, twisting alley, the stench of urine and rotting garbage assailing Kip's senses as he crept soundlessly, shrouded in the darkness of the moonless night, the familiar grip of his Walther PPQ comforting his hand as the skittering denizens of this fetid corridor brushed by his feet, fleeing the disturbance ahead.

[webrockk]

Upon appraising the ghastly scene, Detective Mills quietly muttered "that's the way the cookie crumbles then rotated his lumpy girth and began to waddle back to the car, but I'd heard it...I'd already heard one too many of his corny cliches, but this one...this flippant remark at this particular scene conjured up a rage I hadn't felt since Sally Horton smashed my erupting volcano science project in the 3rd grade

[AeonPax]

`
It was a dark and stormy night..........

[webrockk]

The spatter trail had drawn my attention to the blood flecked Jack LaLanne Juicer tucked in the corner of the L-shaped counter...good, I mumbled, I'm not the only gullible idiot in Ferndale, and wondered how many dozens of oranges they too had butchered for a half glass of fresh juice.

[webrockk]

"The usual" he distractedly muttered towards the gum-smacking new waitress as he beelined it to his make-shift office in the corner booth, only registering after he'd spread out the dog-eared pages and grisly photographs that she wouldn't yet know his usual, or that his usual - Maker's Mark, neat - was actually quite unusual for a Waffle House.

[Dr. Who]

As Jeff surveilled the mid-fifties ranch house with its torn screen door and unraked leaves swirling in the driveway, he sneezed repeatedly ... "damn" he cursed... eyes blurring, he grabbed at the large box of tissues on the console to blow his nose - his aching body protesting the slight movement, he murmured to himself "this is going to be a long stake-out"...

[webrockk]

YAY! I was lonely up in here.

[Dr. Who]

YAY! I was lonely up in here.
Hope my cheesy fiction writing isn't too bad - I don't read much bad fiction.

[webrockk]

Hope my cheesy fiction writing isn't too bad - I don't read much bad fiction.

Cheesy is good, bad is what we're after. let your imagination fly!

[Dr. Who]

As Lt. Richard (Rico) Carter slipped into the flight seat of his newly assigned F622 space cruiser, it enveloped him like a second skin, immediately displaying his vitals in the lower left quadrant of his visor ... the computer in a Betty Boop voice announced "welcome aboard, sweet cheeks" and Rico winced in irritation, thinking "I've got to do something about that"....

[Hal Jordan]

I'll join in later...

[Dr. Who]

The golden beam of sunlight pouring through a hole in the stained yellow blind struck Pete in his left eye as he lay sprawled, snoring, upon a once green, circa 1950, sofa causing him to turn his head abruptly away from the assault, the sudden motion making him aware of an all too familiar hammering in his head, his reward for the fifth of scotch consumed the night before and then he remembered, his heart suddenly hammering in his chest...

[Dr. Who]

Detective Vic Kazinski entered the room, the cloying odor of potpourri and decomp assailing his nostrils, his stomach churned involuntarily, as his eyes drifted over the blood soaked sheets and the lifeless form of a woman laying supine on the bed, her hands impossibly posed, covering her eyes, a single red rose placed vertically at her breastbone ...the signature calling card of the Red Rose killer...

[webrockk]

"Last call!", she gruffly shouted in my ear for the third time, obviously not too overly concerned with over-serving patrons who appeared passed out drunk on her sticky bar, but I wasn't drunk....the last time two shots of the hard stuff made me feel like this was when Jeremy Simmons smuggled that stolen pint of Jim Beam into the 8th grade Sadie Hawkins Dance....no, I'd been dosed.

[webrockk]

Her flirty sundress finally teased into a heap at her delicate feet, my appreciative gaze fixed on her gloriously perfect six pack abs... but it wasn't to any thoughts of what pleasures might soon follow that my mind suddenly and bizarrely wandered...it was to the top of the refrigerator where sat the unopened and never-to-be-viewed Tony Horton P90X DVD I'd drunk-ordered last spring.

[webrockk]

They'd been anticipating the 50's Rock and Roll Cruise since booking it last summer and now they were aboard, underway, and beginning to unpack...but something curious had caught his eye while they strolled behind the steward as he navigated their baggage cart through the crowded passageway towards their cabin; costumes - strange costumes hanging from the other baggage carts - and now it seemed to be confirmed by the Schedule of Events laying there on top of the fully stocked minibar that Jim and Marjorie MacKenzie from Oconomowoc, Wisconsin were trapped accidental tourists on Carnival Cruise Line's Third Annual 2013 Furry Convention Cruise for the next seven days.

[Dr. Who]

The ice in her glass rattled a staccato as she stirred her drink distractedly, her mind replaying their telephone conversation ...she was making her usual mediteranean salad for dinner when the phone rang.."Hello" she answered...a whispered male voice asked ..."Tina d'Onofrio?"... "yes, speaking"...."I have some information that you need to know." he hissed ... "about what?" she replied with growing alarm..."it's about your husband"...her mind raced; Frank was out of town on business - had something happened?..."what about ...him" she stammered..."I can't tell you over the phone, anyone could be listening" he growled...who could be listening, she wondered, and why, she thought abstractedly but replied, "so, then... um.." she started to say when he interrupted gruffly..."we need to meet"..."uh, OK...where?" she replied nervously..."at the Hotel Tivoli on Broadway, Corner Restaurant, I'll be wearing a Yankees baseball cap and carrying a green duffel bag....10 o'clock... don't be late..."

[Dr. Who]

You know what might be fun? In the great tradition of crowd funding, we could try crowd writing. Each person writes a paragraph and the next person continues the narrative. We could create a plot outline first and a cast of characters...

[webrockk]

You know what might be fun? In the great tradition of crowd funding, we could try crowd writing. Each person writes a paragraph and the next person continues the narrative. We could create a plot outline first and a cast of characters...

It would be... but where would we find this crowd?.... you and I are the only people here who aren't afraid to publicize our fantastic writing "talents" ;)

[Dr. Who]

It would be... but where would we find this crowd?.... you and I are the only people here who aren't afraid to publicize our fantastic writing "talents" ;)
Yah, well there is that. Perhaps a call-out will help. Hal Jordan ; PolWatch ; Green Arrow ; silvereyes ; Adelaide ; OGIS ; Tricia ; southwest88 do you all want to play? We want to crowd-write bad fiction. Create a cheesy plot line, identify the characters, especially the protagonist and then each one adds to the story line. Should be a hoot.

[southwest88]

Kind of Naked came the stranger manqué? Sure - who'll start?

[Dr. Who]

Kind of Naked came the stranger manqué? Sure - who'll start?Yipee! I wonder if three is enough - four would be great, but we could start by sketching out the "cheesy" plot line. Ideas?

[del]

it was a dark and stormy night...

[Dr. Who]

it was a dark and stormy night...
Do you want to play del? We need a plot line.

[Dr. Who]

Let's pick a genre:
Detective story;
Spy/Intrigue;
Science Fiction;
Romance;
Comedy

[southwest88]

Let's pick a genre:
Detective story; - adequate
Spy/Intrigue; - prefer
Science Fiction; - prefer
Romance; - not a favorite
Comedy - adequate - but comedy is hard to write?

My preferences & a note.

[Dr. Who]

I'm good with your favs, webrockk ; del

[webrockk]

Fan of the Hardboiled genre (naturally cheesy ;) ), but I'm up for anything. Someone lead it off! (or, we could go with what's been posted for a trail run)

[Dr. Who]

Fan of the Hardboiled genre (naturally cheesy ;) ), but I'm up for anything. Someone lead it off! (or, we could go with what's been posted for a trail run)
You can make anything cheesy - do you have a pref between spy/intrigue and sci fi?

[del]

i'm equally inept in all those genres.

i'll go with the flow

[southwest88]

As Lt. Richard (Rico) Carter slipped into the flight seat of his newly assigned F622 space cruiser, it enveloped him like a second skin, immediately displaying his vitals in the lower left quadrant of his visor ... the computer in a Betty Boop voice announced "welcome aboard, sweet cheeks" and Rico winced in irritation, thinking "I've got to do something about that"....

Continuing:

Abruptly all the onboard klaxons rang out, & Rico's vitals flat lined. Betty started doing a dubstep version of "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do ..."

"Nice homage & all, Betty, but damn it, What's going on here?" Rico subvocalized. (Clearly Rico had forgotten - understandable, in the circumstances - that he was inductance-tapped into the ship systems. He more or less was the ship's brain, with artificial nervous system & a small habitat's worth of CPUs & storage.)

& to himself - whatever that means in this context - Rico mused "If I've flat lined, who the hell is thinking here?"

[Dr. Who]

OK, I'll suggest sci fi because it can be all of those genres, with the sci added and when sci fi is cheesy, it's really cheesy. LOL. I posted the intro to a sci fi novel already with a protagonist, Lieutenant Richard (Rico) Carter. Do we use that intro or start another, and what's the plot line?

[Dr. Who]

Continuing:

Abruptly all the onboard klaxons rang out, & Rico's vitals flat lined. Betty started doing a dubstep version of "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do ..."

"Nice homage & all, Betty, but damn it, What's going on here?" Rico subvocalized. (Clearly Rico had forgotten - understandable, in the circumstances - that he was inductance-tapped into the ship systems. He more or less was the ship's brain, with artificial nervous system & a small habitat's worth of CPUs & storage.)

& to himself - whatever that means in this context - Rico mused "If I've flat lined, who the hell is thinking here?"
The com suddenly chirped and the voice of the base sergeant drawled with contempt "Loootenant Cahtah, did you forget to enter your 10 digit security code, Suh?

Rico flushed..."what a rooky mistake ...and at frakking home base" imagining the razzing he would face on his return. He quickly tapped in the code and his vitals popped back onto his visor. The ships engines began to whine and then settled into a subaudible vibration.

Rico called up the star chart and touched Alpha Centauri...

[Hal Jordan]

The com suddenly chirped and the voice of the base sergeant drawled with contempt "Loootenant Cahtah, did you forget to enter your 10 digit security code, Suh?

Rico flushed..."what a rooky mistake ...and at frakking home base" imagining the razzing he would face on his return. He quickly tapped in the code and his vitals popped back onto his visor. The ships engines began to whine and then settled into a subaudible vibration.

Rico called up the star chart and touched Alpha Centauri...

The ultraspeed drive kicked on with a humming sound. Betty started humming along with it as the nanosleep started to kick in. He knew he wouldn't wake until the ship was beginning to come out of ultraspeed. As he began to drift off, he wondered if he could create a song out of the humming noise, a question that had been asked by most of the explorers before him, though he had no way of knowing that.

[OGIS]

It would be... but where would we find this crowd?.... you and I are the only people here who aren't afraid to publicize our fantastic writing "talents" ;)

I've tried the bad writing thing before and I suck at it. I'm not saying I'm a good writer, but I just can't deliberately try to be a bad one; I just sit there are stare at the screen.

But it would be fun to try a crowd writing thing.

[OGIS]

Do you want to play del? We need a plot line.

How about expanding on the shortest story in the world. I think Asimov did it.

"The last man on Earth sat in a room. There was a lock on the door."

who-what-when-how-why

[southwest88]

The ultraspeed drive kicked on with a humming sound. Betty started humming along with it as the nanosleep started to kick in. He knew he wouldn't wake until the ship was beginning to come out of ultraspeed. As he began to drift off, he wondered if he could create a song out of the humming noise, a question that had been asked by most of the explorers before him, though he had no way of knowing that.

The humming went flat & then thinned out. Rico surfaced into consciousness, with a receding dream of Betty & some little black & white dog doing a hula with palm trees swaying in time, & the moon racing along to countertempo. "Yow," Rico rasped, "Gotta cut back on the classic hyperfeelies, or @ least reengage the safeties. Maybe next time." Meanwhile, the alarm klaxons screamed like demented calliopes hooked up to an erupting volcano. Rico sucked in a breath. "Where the kludge is A. Centauri? & what the finagle dragged me out of ultraspeed? That's not supposed to be possible, is it?" Rico dredged his mind, but transfinite math was never his forte, & mom always had told him not to work with his hands.

[Dr. Who]

Betty started into her rendition of "Good morning, good morning... ain't it great to wake up late..." "Ugh" he thought, "what frakking retro hayseed programmed this computer?" hitting the release button on the pilot's seat. He popped up the holographic display. He was still several parsecs from Alpha Centauri. The three stars appeared before him. He put his finger on Alpha Centauri A and two stars zoomed into view. Tapping again he could see the space station orbiting A - his destination.

[Dr. Who]

How about expanding on the shortest story in the world. I think Asimov did it.

"The last man on Earth sat in a room. There was a lock on the door."

who-what-when-how-why
If you can work it into our cheesy sci-fi story - go for it.

[Dr. Who]

I think for the sake of continuity, we need to announce who is going next. I can edit anytime, but you can't. So it's first past the post.

[silvereyes]

Ok, whos next and are we continuing the betty thing?

[southwest88]

Betty started into her rendition of "Good morning, good morning... ain't it great to wake up late..." "Ugh" he thought, "what frakking retro hayseed programmed this computer?" hitting the release button on the pilot's seat. He popped up the holographic display. He was still several parsecs from Alpha Centauri. The three stars appeared before him. He put his finger on Alpha Centauri A and two stars zoomed into view. Tapping again he could see the space station orbiting A - his destination.

Rico downed a stim, always a good idea after nanosleep. "Criminy, I don't even like horses," he mused. "So I can only half dislike Centauri?" He blinked, did a double take @ the nav tank. "Couple of parsecs? What?!" He snapped @ Betty "Were we going in reverse? Didn't I designate A. Centauri? Who's been @ the nav tank?" Betty hesitated for a moment - years in nano-time - & finally blurted out "The dog star ate my homework?" Rico took a deep breath ...

[Dr. Who]

Ok, whos next and are we continuing the betty thing?
You can go next silvereyes.

[Dr. Who]

You can go next @silvereyes (http://thepoliticalforums.com/member.php?u=1218).
OK, I'll go next.

[Dr. Who]

...and called up the BTI 800P software diagnostics..."something sketchy about Betty's last response" he thought uneasily..."computers are never evasive"... as he scanned the readout he noticed something odd...the download of the mission specs occurred an hour before he boarded - "SOP" he confirm mentally...then he noticed it "Whoa, that's odd"... 2 hours into the flight there was another download...Betty's programming had kicked up a couple of error files, but whatever was in the download had repaired the files..."Crimini", he muttered "as he tried to find the download file - "it's gone" Every last trace of the file had been efficiently erased. His stomach sinking he checked the com files. There should be a constant data stream from the ship to HQ. "Frak! he exclaimed loudly. There it was, a two 2 second blank spot in the data stream....

[Dr. Who]

Realy flimsy plot outline:
Rico's sent out on a mission to find out why the iridium shipments from Alpha Centauri have suddenly been dropping. Someone has compromised his onboard computer and he doesn't know what has been changed in Betty's programming, but he is pretty sure it's not going to be a happy surprise.

[southwest88]

...and called up the BTI 800P software diagnostics..."something sketchy about Betty's last response" he thought uneasily..."computers are never evasive"... as he scanned the readout he noticed something odd...the download of the mission specs occurred an hour before he boarded - "SOP" he confirm mentally...then he noticed it "Whoa, that's odd"... 2 hours into the flight there was another download...Betty's programming had kicked up a couple of error files, but whatever was in the download had repaired the files..."Crimini", he muttered "as he tried to find the download file - "it's gone" Every last trace of the file had been efficiently erased. His stomach sinking he checked the com files. There should be a constant data stream from the ship to HQ. "Frak! he exclaimed loudly. There it was, a two 2 second blank spot in the data stream....

Betty is suddenly very clingy, & manifests as a 1920sCE gun moll (Rico thinks "Note to self - find out what a gun moll is/was.") Betty throws herself @ him - no, really, trips & falls - How many shipcomps do you know that do tight clingy outfits slit up to there & stilettoes tall enough to reach terminal velocity from? "Hmmm," Rico thinks, "Nice catch/cache. This can't be in the standard shipcomps persona listing. I smell a rat - well, a very attractive nubile-looking rat, to be sure. What's a female rat called, anyway?" Some considerable time later, drinks, ciggies & small talk stowed away - Rico has a moment of lucidity. "Whoa, this can't be right! What other surprises are waiting in the shipcomp? Time to scram the shipcomp software from a secure copy & reboot!" He commlinks to the emergency overwrite, IDs & verifies himself, his implants vouch for him, & he pulls out a virtual envelope, rips it open, reads: "What I tell you three times is true." He repeats it to Betty three times, the ship systems blink off, even the klaxons fail to wail. "Goodbye, Betty," he whispers ...

[Dr. Who]

The ship shuddered for a nanosecond and this long drink of water appeared with impossibly long legs and honey colored hair falling in languid waves just below her shoulders, her uniform tattooed on her body . "Hi Lieutenant" she breathed, her soft voice low and husky..."I'm Betty" "Anything you need...just put your lips together and ...whistle". Rico caught his breath involuntarily. ."She's gorgeous" he thought. and then caught himself...there was something oddly familiar about her and dammit she's a computer! "Hi Betty" he responded, trying to sound authoritative..."why are we parked in the suburbs?" Betty froze for an instant...there was an almost imperceptible shudder in her hologram and then she responded..."There was a glitch in the mission download Lieutenant - it's been corrected...I have the original coordinates - are you ready to hit the road?....

[Dr. Who]

As Lt. Richard (Rico) Carter slipped into the flight seat of his newly assigned F622 space cruiser, it enveloped him like a second skin, immediately displaying his vitals in the lower left quadrant of his visor ... the computer in a Betty Boop voice announced "welcome aboard, sweet cheeks" and Rico winced in irritation, thinking "I've got to do something about that"....Abruptly all the onboard klaxons rang out, & Rico's vitals flat lined.

Betty started doing a dubstep version of "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do ..." "Nice homage & all, Betty, but damn it, What's going on here?" Rico subvocalized. (Clearly Rico had forgotten - understandable, in the circumstances - that he was inductance-tapped into the ship systems. He more or less was the ship's brain, with artificial nervous system & a small habitat's worth of CPUs & storage. & to himself - whatever that means in this context - Rico mused "If I've flat lined, who the hell is thinking here?

"The com suddenly chirped and the voice of the base sergeant drawled with contempt "Loootenant Cahtah, did you forget to enter your 10 digit security code, Suh?Rico flushed..."what a rooky mistake ...and at frakking home base" imagining the razzing he would face on his return. He quickly tapped in the code and his vitals popped back onto his visor. The ships engines began to whine and then settled into a subaudible vibration. Rico called up the star chart and touched Alpha Centauri...

The ultraspeed drive kicked on with a humming sound. Betty started humming along with it as the nanosleep started to kick in. He knew he wouldn't wake until the ship was beginning to come out of ultraspeed. As he began to drift off, he wondered if he could create a song out of the humming noise, a question that had been asked by most of the explorers before him, though he had no way of knowing that.The humming went flat & then thinned out. Rico surfaced into consciousness, with a receding dream of Betty & some little black & white dog doing a hula with palm trees swaying in time, & the moon racing along to countertempo. "Yow," Rico rasped, "Gotta cut back on the classic hyperfeelies, or @ least reengage the safeties. Maybe next time." Meanwhile, the alarm klaxons screamed like demented calliopes hooked up to an erupting volcano. Rico sucked in a breath. "Where the kludge is A. Centauri? & what the finagle dragged me out of ultraspeed? That's not supposed to be possible, is it?" Rico dredged his mind, but transfinite math was never his forte, & mom always had told him not to work with his hands.

Betty started into her rendition of "Good morning, good morning... ain't it great to wake up late..." "Ugh" he thought, "what frakking retro hayseed programmed this computer?" hitting the release button on the pilot's seat. He popped up the holographic display. He was still several parsecs from Alpha Centauri. The three stars appeared before him. He put his finger on Alpha Centauri A and two stars zoomed into view. Tapping again he could see the space station orbiting A - his destination

.Rico downed a stim, always a good idea after nanosleep. "Criminy, I don't even like horses," he mused. "So I can only half dislike Centauri?" He blinked, did a double take @ the nav tank. "Couple of parsecs? What?!" He snapped @ Betty "Were we going in reverse? Didn't I designate A. Centauri? Who's been @ the nav tank?" Betty hesitated for a moment - years in nano-time - & finally blurted out "The dog star ate my homework?" Rico took a deep breath

......and called up the BTI 800P software diagnostics..."something sketchy about Betty's last response" he thought uneasily..."computers are never evasive"... as he scanned the readout he noticed something odd...the download of the mission specs occurred an hour before he boarded - "SOP" he confirm mentally...then he noticed it "Whoa, that's odd"... 2 hours into the flight there was another download...Betty's programming had kicked up a couple of error files, but whatever was in the download had repaired the files..."Crimini", he muttered "as he tried to find the download file - "it's gone" Every last trace of the file had been efficiently erased. His stomach sinking he checked the com files. There should be a constant data stream from the ship to HQ. "Frak! he exclaimed loudly. There it was, a two 2 second blank spot in the data stream....

Betty is suddenly very clingy, & manifests as a 1920sCE gun moll (Rico thinks "Note to self - find out what a gun moll is/was.") Betty throws herself @ him - no, really, trips & falls - How many shipcomps do you know that do tight clingy outfits slit up to there & stilettoes tall enough to reach terminal velocity from? "Hmmm," Rico thinks, "Nice catch/cache. This can't be in the standard shipcomps persona listing. I smell a rat - well, a very attractive nubile-looking rat, to be sure. What's a female rat called, anyway?" Some considerable time later, drinks, ciggies & small talk stowed away - Rico has a moment of lucidity. "Whoa, this can't be right! What other surprises are waiting in the shipcomp? Time to scram the shipcomp software from a secure copy & reboot!" He commlinks to the emergency overwrite, IDs & verifies himself, his implants vouch for him, & he pulls out a virtual envelope, rips it open, reads: "What I tell you three times is true." He repeats it to Betty three times, the ship systems blink off, even the klaxons fail to wail. "Goodbye, Betty," he whispers ...

The ship shuddered for a nanosecond and this long drink of water appeared with impossibly long legs and honey colored hair falling in languid waves just below her shoulders, her uniform tattooed on her body . "Hi Lieutenant" she breathed, her soft voice low and husky..."I'm Betty" "Anything you need...just put your lips together and ...whistle". Rico caught his breath involuntarily. ."She's gorgeous" he thought. and then caught himself...there was something oddly familiar about her and dammit she's a computer! "Hi Betty" he responded, trying to sound authoritative..."why are we parked in the suburbs?" Betty froze for an instant...there was an almost imperceptible shudder in her hologram and then she responded..."There was a glitch in the mission download Lieutenant - it's been corrected...I have the original coordinates - are you ready to hit the road?....

[Dr. Who]

Next - Chapter 2.

[Dr. Who]

Rico dropped into the pilot's seat and was almost immediately synced with the navcom. He pulled up the holomap and touched Alpha Prime..."time to jump Betty" ... the ship whined for a moment and then in complete silence it jumped...

The ship was suddenly in orbit around Alpha Centauri Prime. The navcom registered a few thousand ore carriers and mining ships, queuing up for landing and taking off for Beta and Theta. "Must be rush hour" Rico mused...then the com chirped and a prissy looking guy in a dorky uniform appeared on the holo display. Betty had already provided his credentials ..."Good day Lieutenant Carter, I am Traffic Officer Butkus" he squeaked in a rather high nasal voice..."Please state your business". Rico suppressed a laugh and replied with a straight face.."Good day, Sir... I'm here on military business for the Terran Government". Officer Butkus pursed his lips and asked haughtily "whom are you here to see?" Grinning, Rico replied "Effron Taller". Officer Butkus's face blanched and his hand touched his ear... a moment later his face suddenly melting into an obsequious smile he replied..."Welcome to Alpha Prime Lieutentant Carter... you are cleared for landing".

Rico almost felt sorry for Butkus...Effron Taller was the most powerful man on Alpha Prime. He was the face of the mining industry that was the life blood of Alpha Centauri....

[OGIS]

It would be... but where would we find this crowd?.... you and I are the only people here who aren't afraid to publicize our fantastic writing "talents" ;)

???

[Dr. Who]

???
You declined to participate. :sad: