I am sorry that you are unhappy with the situation - it does sound like maybe he's a byproduct of permissive parenting (you mentioned he was/is doted upon) and probably never developed a healthy concept of parenting. I would imagine that is why he thinks spanking for normal behavior is acceptable, because if he was never disciplined and thinks he is God's gift to the planet? Well... permissive parenting can cause as many problems as authoritarian (ideal is authoritative). Individuals learn how to be parents from our own parents first by watching, hearing and experiencing their methods.
FYIWDWYTM
Yes, he is a product of permissive parenting and like a child he is extremely self centered.
Tonight I think I may have taken care of part of the problem.
My wife and I are staying on our RV in a local RV park. My son in law’s parents are here too, but they are staying with my daughter and their son at their house.
Tonight my wife and my daughter went to Papa Murphy’s to buy a few pizzas for dinner. All of us were going to have dinner and share a few bottles of wine.
When my wife and daughter came back from Papa Murphey’s with the pizza’s my son in law threw a childish hissy fit. He told my daughter that he cant eat pizza because he’s training tomorrow and the cheese will screw him up. Then he demanded that she goes to go get him a certain submarine sandwich right now.
I looked at my wife and said “that’s it. I’ve had enough” I said “joe, let’s go out on the deck I want to tell you something”. We went out on their deck and I said “ I understand that you’re my daughter’s husband and the father of two of my grandchildren, but I’m her father and if you ever talk to my daughter like that in front of me again, I’ll kick your ass up to your shoulders. Do you understand me”? He stood there mute. I scared him. He could tell I was pissed off and not just irritated.
His father heard this. He didn’t object. In fact he was shocked by his son’s attitude because he loves my daughter as if she was his daughter.
I guess I must have been louder than I thought because when we went back inside the house no one spoke for a few minutes. I think I made a point. I hope it made an impact.
I don’t like doing something like that, but I don’t like having a need to do something like that even more.
This has been building for five or six years. My wife told me tonight that she was surprised it took me this long to erupt.
I have a great relationship with my other son in law. He treats my youngest daughter like she’s a queen. In fact I’ve told him that he’s spoiling her and he says “yeah I know. She’s the best part of my life” I can’t argue with that.
Last edited by Tahuyaman; 09-26-2020 at 10:48 PM.
Cotton1 (09-26-2020)
Hopefully everything works out, no one gets hurt, and the family stays intact.
I can not advice anyone here. Fortunately I did not take upon myself responsibility beyond my ability.
Well if I were to give you my two penneth I would tell you to let it go. As your wife said "remember your daughter". She's your daughter and they are your grandchildren. However your life is separate from theirs. You have to let them live it how they want. With that said you are not an idiot so why not pick your battles wisely? he might be a man child but he is still an adult. There is no reason why you cannot give him your opinion on certain things regardless of how he feels on the subject. I'm sure your daughter knows you and loves you so if you hurt his feelings she will know you did not mean to. Basically over time you could turn him into a mature adult. Just be subtle but firm.
Tahuyaman (09-26-2020)
Those are good questions. He hasn’t earned a cent this year because his events have all been cancelled because of the virus. My daughter earns a good living and she’s basically the lone supporter of her family right now. All he does now is train. He does have a minor income from a shoe contract and dietary supplement endorsements.
My daughter loves him, but she’s not happy with his selfishness and immaturity. Seriously, talking to him is like talking to a teenager and he’s 35 years old. I warned her about this before they got married, but she didn’t seem to care.
I’m not raising their children. That’s their job, but it irritates me that he’s constantly using the threat of a spanking to get my two year old grandson to mind or do the things you ask him to do.
Like tonight. My grandson didn’t want to eat all of his dinner. That’s not unusual for a two year old. My son in law addressed it by saying “are you going to eat or do you want a spanking”. A two year old for crying out loud. They have a beautiful six month old little girl. He doesn’t give her much attention.
We are supposed to leave Colorado Monday morning. I don’t know that I can last another day here without busting his nose. My wife can see I’m ready to explode and that concerns her. That would be ugly and it would hurt my daughter as well. I’m really trying to maintain calamity, but it’s difficult.
I‘m venting.
Last edited by Tahuyaman; 09-26-2020 at 11:15 PM.